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Category: Light Elements

Gen Z

In a senior citizens’ association, members were discussing the present day’ inflation. All had become nostalgic – in the memories of their childhood. They were vying with one-another in describing how cheap the things were in their childhood. Their chat was something like this –

  •  When I used to go to the school, my bus fare was five naye paise! Since I was a regular ‘passenger’, occasionally conductor-uncle left me just like that! No ticket.
  •  Minimum local train fare was 30 naye paise! My father used to travel from Mumbai to Pune in just seven rupees!
  •  When I got married, the gold was 30 rupees a tola!
  •  In my college canteen, vada was 15 naye paise for – two pieces and tea was 10 paise!
  •  Minimum taxi fare was less than one rupee. I think 80 naye paise. That was a luxury. Taxi was hired only when we went on a long travel in a train, since there used to be big luggage with us.
  •  In our school picnic, the contribution per student used to be 3 to 5 rupees which my parents felt to be on higher side!
  •  With chilly and coriander, they used to give pieces of ginger free!

Likewise the discussion was going on. All of them expressed concern over the present day inflation, conveniently forgetting that their pension amount was about 10 times their last drawn salary at the time of retirement. This, of course, is human nature. We often have only one-sided thinking.

One gentleman narrated an interesting experience about Gen Z – his 6-year-old grandson. He said “Friends I was describing all this to my grandson who is just 6-year-old. I told that I used to accompany my father to the market during Diwali festival. He used to carry a few cloth bags with just 10 to 15 rupees in his pocket. We used to buy so many things! Grains, fruits, new clothing, toys, crackers, Diwali sweets, so on and so forth. It was difficult to carry the load of full bags. In addition, we also used to have masala dosa in a small hotel We visited restaurants only once or twice in a year!

My grandson was completely puzzled. He wondered why at all we went to the market to buy things, when everything was available online!

And secondly, he said – ‘Grandpa, now all these purchases may not be possible in such a small amount since, now everywhere CC TV cameras are set!

Revelation

Harshadbhai was in a jolly mood today. It was 28th of September, his birthday. He and his wife Priyanka were out on a stroll.

They met Pareshbhai with his wife Aparna. Pareshbhai also was in a celebration mood. It was their wedding anniversary.

Both Harshad and Paresh always used to complain that due to tax deadline of 30th September, they were never in a position to enjoy the birthday or anniversary. Today, the main reason of their good mood was the extension of time allowed by the Finance Minister! It was like a big Birthday Gift to both of them! Both were obviously chartered accountants and their pleasure was contained in small things like the hearing is adjourned, stay is granted in the client’s recovery proceedings, a client has agreed to pay a small fee next month, a ‘bad’ revenue officer has been transferred elsewhere; and so on!

They were close friends and they entered ‘Khau Galli ((Lane of eateries). There were many decorated and illuminated stalls. Chat, Bhelpuri, ragada pattice, pani-puri, vada, samosa, dhokla, farsan, South Indian dishes, sandwiches, tea, coffee, juices, ice creams so on and so forth. All mouth-watering dishes!

They tasted the dishes one by one, driven by the choices of their wives. While eating, the topic of chatting between Harshad and Paresh as usual was the CA practice.

Priyanka and Aparna were discussing about new sari, new dress, children’s schools, hobby class, tuitions, etc. etc. One common complaint was Harshad and Paresh both sit late in office, they don’t look after anything in the house, they don’t take the family for outing, no movie, no enjoyment!

Harshad and Paresh were cursing the practice with usual complaints like careless clients,complicated laws and regulations, corrupt departments, inefficient colleagues no staff, no articles, late sitting, no income but increasing expenses, clients’ expectations and the like. Both agreed that the practice had lost its charm and they cursed their fate.

The owners of the shops were all enjoying counting money at the counter! Harshad and Paresh envied them.

Finally, they sat in the ice cream parlour. Their chat was continuing. They concluded that rather than practice, they should have entered into this ‘food’ business. The owner of the shop was familiar. He overheard their grievance about the profession. He came to their table and mentioned the new variety of ice cream that had recently come into the market. He enquired whether they both were CAs; and he smiled. They also opened up and said they should have been in this business, rather than in practice! They were further shocked to learn that all the owners stayed in an elite colony where there were 3 to 4 cars in each family.

To their great surprise, he refused to accept the payment of the bill. He said it was complimentary from him to mark their anniversaries! They thanked him whole-heartedly. Ladies also were pleased.

At the time of parting, the owner revealed a secret – Sir, all the owners of these stall including the pan-wala were earlier practising as chartered accountants.

Super – Bakasur

In Mahabharata, there is a story of a demon called Bakasur. He was known for his extra ordinary eating capacity. His diet was, for example, equivalent to the total diet of more than 100 wrestlers. When Pandavas were in exile, Bhima killed this demon.

A few years ago, there was a famous circle called ‘Fantom Circus’. It had all the normal contents like monkey show, beers, elephants, lion, clowns and so on. Some of the items were really exciting and the circus was very popular. Getting an entry pass was a challenge.

In that circus, the main attraction was a man called ‘Super Bakasur’. Spectators were allowed to bring tiffin for him, which was of course, optional. He used to eat the food brought by first hundred spectators. For examples. He could eat 3 to 4 hundred chapatis, 20 kg of rice and corresponding quantity of soups, vegetables, ketchups etc and also a few tins of sweet like Shrikhand, Basundi….

People wondered how he could do so. Thanks to media publicity, the Super Bakasur became a celebrity. Naturally, the demand for shows increased. The owner of the circus made good money as those first 100 persons whose tiffin was accepted had to pay a premium!

In due course, a press conference was arranged to interview this Super Bakasur. Thousands of people attended the public interview on a large lawn and lakhs of people watched it on Television.

Many questions were put as to how he acquired so much capacity, what does he do to digest it, and so on. Lot of appreciation was showered on him by his fans.

At the end, however, he made a disappointing announcement – that after this particular season, he would retire. People wondered why? He was making good money by way of prizes in addition to his special remuneration. People asked him the reason for his retirement.

He said “The circus owner has become very greedy for money. He has started arranging 3 to 4 shows every day! Upon this, people expressed sympathy and awe – that every day he was required to eat so much 3 to 4 times! They said “Naturally, it must be taxing your stomach”.

The Super Bakasur humbly disclosed the true reason. He said “That is not a problem. Due to these many shows, he could not find time for his normal breakfast, and two meals every day!!

(Based on a story written by well-known Marathi humoristic- Mr. C. V. Joshi – Chimanrao fame)

Cobra Effect

‘Cobra Effect’ is an interesting observation in the field of advertising and marketing. It is based on the unpredictability of human mind or psychology. A particular thing is conceived or done with a particular good intention. However, its effect is exactly the opposite! That leads to amusing situations.

During Britishers’ time, once in Delhi, there was lot of nuisance and terror created by snakes that had grown in multiple numbers! On roads and everywhere, snakes were moving freely. Just as we have street dogs, rats, etc.

Britishers announced a reward for the person who would kill a snake and bring its body to the Government office. Initially, its good effect was felt. However, later, it was observed that the number of snakes was increasing!

On investigation, the ingenuity of fertile Indian brain came to the light! Few people started breeding snakes at their home! They used to kill them and claim reward.

This phenomenon came to be known as ‘Cobra Effect’. There are many such instances in the history of this ‘Cobra Effect’. It arises because the pious thinkers / planners often fail to anticipate the opposite consequences.

In 2008, Tatas introduced Nano car to make it affordable to a common (less resourceful man). Its intention was also to provide safety to the persons using two wheelers. Intentions were pious and laudable. However, the rich or elite thought that it was below their dignity and the less resourceful – common man – did not want to reveal his financial limitations!

A pharmaceutical company had brought a very effective medicine in the market on a particular disease. It was selling very well. However, Government made it compulsory also to declare the negative side effects, if any. This particular medicine had very mild, not so harmful side effects. However, unfortunately it had a very negative effect on the users and the sale dwindled significantly (Actually, that negative effect was observed in a very few people. Still, the consequence of this declaration was very negative!)

When Government, with reality laudable intentions, sometime waives the loans/liabilities of a particular class of people – often farmers. But the effect is the people who have honestly serviced or repaid the loan earlier, feel aggrieved and then they borrow with a clear intention not to repay at all!

Same thing happens in respect of Amnesty Scheme announced by the Government. The tax practitioners have experienced similar example in respect of acquisition or pre-emptive purchase of land. The relevant provisions were introduced in the Income Tax Act with view to curbing the on-money transactions in the transfers of immovable property.

However, it led to two disastrous consequences – one, the high level of corruption and two – many people transferred their barren and not so valuable land at an artificially inflated price to a known person. Then they used to have a setting with the concerned officers/valuers and ‘made them’ acquire the land. The funny part was that the Government was offering 15% premium on the declared price!

In psychology, the anticipation of such unintended consequences is called ‘Second Order Thinking’. The moral is that one should not only focus on the problem but also think all the pros and cons of the remedies!

Note

(This article is based on an article published in a Marathi daily).

“Mera Naya Article Clerk Ek Algorithm Hai” (By A CA Who Misses Paper Vouchers But Loves AI Sarcasm)

When our office WhatsApp group lit up with the message “We are going digital!”, I thought we were finally done printing 148-page audit reports just to courier them two buildings away. Little did I know this digital leap meant I’d be sharing my cabin with a machine that doesn’t drink chai, doesn’t gossip, and finishes bank reconciliations faster than I can find my spectacles.

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet RoboCFO – my new article assistant. Technically, HR wants us to call him “AI Assistant (Beta),” but if it balances a trial balance in less time than it takes my human article to log into Traces, it gets a name. Period.

THE ARRIVAL OF THE MACHINE: AAPKA IT ASSISTANT ONLINE HAI

Now, I’ve worked with all kinds of articles—hardworking ones, sleepy ones, the ones who vanish mysteriously at 1:03 PM daily, and of course, the ones who “go on study leave” right before audit season and resurface only after Diwali sweets arrive. But nothing prepared me for RoboCFO.

First day on the job, I asked it to vouch 4,000 purchase invoices.

TIME TAKEN: 4 MINUTES, 18 SECONDS.

Human article Raj watched in horror—like a calculator seeing Excel for the first time.

“Sir,” he whispered, “yeh mera kaam le lega kya?”

“Sirf tab,” I replied, “jab yeh client se bank statement timely mangwana seekh le.”

He calmed down instantly.

TAX ASSIGNMENTS: ROBOCFO IN SCRUTINY MODE

During income tax season, RoboCFO became my right hand. It drafted replies to notices, prepared submission indexes, and even generated sarcastic comments for clients who failed to deduct TDS for the fifth quarter in a row.

(“Paanchwa quarter? Haan ji, ab TDS bhi lunar calendar se chalega.”)

One client asked, “Can I claim honeymoon expenses as business promotion?”

RoboCFO replied, “Sir, agar Shaadi mein 200 GST officers invite kiye the, toh zaroor!”

I had tears in my eyes. Not from laughter—from respect.

AUDIT ASSIGNMENTS: MAY THE BOTS BE WITH YOU

If tax season was a trailer, audit season was the blockbuster. RoboCFO took over bank reconciliations, vouching, TDS ageing, Form 26AS–AIS matching, GSTR-2B reconciliation and even tried to perform physical verification of fixed assets—remotely.

It once flagged a mismatch of ₹3.21 in depreciation.

“Sir, as per Schedule II, this asset should’ve been fully depreciated in FY 2020-21.”

I didn’t know whether to say “well done” or throw my calculator at it.

And when it questioned my chai bill: “Tea expense exceeds historical mean by 42%. Possible non-business expenditure?”

Et tu, RoboCFO?

CLIENT MEETINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN

Took RoboCFO into a Zoom meeting once—just for fun. Client says, “We’d like to project next quarter’s cash flow.”

Before I could unmute myself, RoboCFO shared a working, generated charts and added:

“Suggest reducing office snacks. Your P&L will thank you.”

Client: “Fantastic insight!”

Me: Beta tu toh gaya.

After the meeting, I confronted him. “You’re getting too smart.”

It responded, “I learn from the best.”

Flattery. Great. Now the robot is also sarcastic.

ROBOT VS RAJU: THE GREAT INDIAN SHOWDOWN

Raju, our beloved peon, was not impressed. He’s the man who could locate any file, even if it was saved as “Final_Final_USETHIS_v3(Reviewed)_DONOTDELETE.xls”.

“Sir,” he said, “yeh machine na rest leta hai, na chai peeta hai, aur na paper staple karta hai. Kaise kaam karega?”

To reassure him, I gave RoboCFO the task of reading IT circulars from 1974.

Update: It’s still stuck on Para 2.3 of Circular No. 14. Possibly reconsidering its life choices.

THINGS GOT WEIRD: THE AI GOT AMBITIOUS

Last week, RoboCFO tried to generate a UDIN.

I panicked. I haven’t felt that kind of fear since I signed a balance sheet on March 31st at 11:58 PM.

Turned out, it was just preparing a draft audit report with:

  •  Emphasis of Matter
  •  Note on Going Concern
  •  Footnote quoting AS-29 (like a boss)

At this point, my senior article began prepping for UPSC. “Sir, CA toh AI ban gaya. Main IAS try karta hoon.”

WILL AI REPLACE CHARTERED ACCOUNTANTS?

Let’s be clear. RoboCFO is great. It can:

√ Match ledgers

√ Read scanned invoices

√ Generate 3D cash flow forecasts

√ Flag “non-business” tea expenses

But can it:

⊗ Convince a PSU bank to accept scanned balance sheets “just this once”?

⊗ Handle a client who says, “Sir, cash mein transaction kiya hai, par tension mat lo, sab white hai.”

⊗ E-file returns at 11:59 PM with a hanging server and a prayer to St. FinMin?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

That, my friends, still needs a human CA—with caffeine in his veins, sarcasm in his soul, and a backup dongle in his bag.

FINAL ASSESSMENT REPORT

AI in a CA office is like GST:

Confusing at first. Occasionally misused.

But once you crack it—transformational.

Sure, RoboCFO doesn’t know the joy of finding a file saved as “USE_THIS_FINAL_FINAL_REVISED(FINAL2).xls”, but it does know Section 43B better than my senior partner.

And no, it doesn’t replace us. It just makes us work faster, better, and with less Excel-induced rage.

So here’s to our new intern, punching bag, co-worker, and unofficial audit partner—RoboCFO.

As for Raju? He’s now our official “AI Trainer.” He proudly claims:

“Maine hi isko sikhaya GSTN ka error kaise solve karte hai.”

And honestly? We believe him.

Disclaimer: No human articles were harmed in the making of this story. But one did consider switching to law after watching RoboCFO complete an entire GST audit while sipping digital chai. The content is AI-generated with human intervention / guidance for understanding future scenarios in a lighter way.

Perception

Marathi Theatre has a rich tradition of more than 150 years.

It is very vibrant and progressive. In the good old days, purely ‘prose’ plays were very rare. There used to be 20 to 100 songs in a play – based on classical music. The shows often lasted overnight. It was known as ‘Sangeet Rang-Bhoomi’.

There were drama companies (Natak mandalis). Like we have in the circus today, the whole troop stayed and moved together like a family. Play wrights, actors, directors, musicians, singers, drapers, make-up men, helpers and so on. Many stayed with their families in the troops!

Weddings used to happen within the troops, and children also were born! It was a fascinating world, and many people are still having nostalgic memories of that era.

Shri Ram Ganesh Gadkari was the most prominent dramatist of his time. The square at Shivaji Park, Dadar, is named after him. He has written many short stories which are quite humorous.

As said earlier, a kid was born in a drama troop and did not have the occasion to see the outside world at all. The drama troop, travel and performances were the only experience that he had in life.

Once, the owner of the mandali was invited to attend a wedding. He was busy somewhere else. So, he sent this boy of 14 to attend the wedding on his behalf and give the present. The boy could view everything through his perception of’ drama’. On his return, he described the ceremony, treating it as a show of drama.

“I attended the show. It was called ‘Wedding of X with Y. The Theatre was full of a very well-dressed audience. No one was checking the tickets at the door. The show was performed in full light. The doors of the theatre were also kept open. Anybody could enter and leave anytime.

There was no curtain to the stage. Spectators were sitting around the stage, watching the drama. However, they were not attentive. They were chatting among themselves, moving here and there. They were also having drinks and snacks. Small kids were playing and enjoying while the drama was on!

Hero, heroine, their parents and sisters were the main cast. They did not have their dialogues by heart. The directors (priests) were interfering in between. They were also prompting the hero and heroine to speak their dialogues. Prompting was also done on Mike. He was also directing their actions like sitting, standing, bowing to God, moving around the fire, and so on.

The heroine was initially not on the stage. The director shouted and asked the heroin to come with her maternal uncle (mama). By mistake, the curtain was held between the hero and heroine. I think there was no villain in the drama.

Suddenly, some people came forward and sang something (mangalashtak). There was no musical accompaniment.

The musicians also did not know when to play music. The director shouted at them to play the instruments. Then they started.

There was total confusion. I could understand neither the story nor the dialogue. Songs also were strange…….. Hero and heroine did not sing any song!”

Likewise, the author has written it very beautifully. I wish to make it clear that while writing this feature, the text of that article is not in front of me. I have it in my memory. This is not a verbatim translation. The theme is interesting, and I am sure the readers can enjoy it and even add to what the boy would have perceived!

ASS – Movement

Readers may get the impression that it is a donkey’s movement. It is far from that. ASS stands for ‘Anti-Simplification of Statutes’. It is a great movement in the national interest.

There was a country where all laws were very complicated. Certain anti-social elements were pressurising the King to simplify the laws. The King directed his Minister to appoint various committees from time to time to look into the matter.

The Minister after a study over ten to twenty years, prepared a Bill to simplify a particular law relating to revenues. There was a big hue and cry in all circles, even before reading the contents of the Bill. Many could not even digest the idea of simplification.

Certain groups in the kingdom who were like opposition parties and not in favour of the King resisted it vehemently. They felt that it was their duty to protest any proposal made by the King without even knowing what it contained. Many didn’t know what and why they were resisting. There was a huge discontent in many quarters. Therefore, the King appointed 3 special judges to hear the representations of different groups.

Bureaucrats who were asked to draft the simplified law felt that it was unethical to do so. Their thinking was that any law has to be complicated. If a common man knows the law, he may commit lesser defaults and the King will lose revenue on account of fines and penalties.

Expert Committee members demanded the constitution of fresh committees to do a comparative study or cost-benefit analysis. It was difficult for them to survive without being a member of any such committee.

Lawyers had a point for objection. They said many of them would be left with no work, if laws are simplified and there is no litigation. Another strong objection came from the authors and publishers of books, people engaged in preparing CDs of compilation of cases and so on. They said it would create lot of unemployment in the printing industry and also in the distributing agencies.

Those who were in the liaisoning activity could not bear this shock. They said they thrive on the settlement of complicated cases. The Union of employees in the Revenue Department and the Courts realised that many of them would lose their jobs as many establishments would be closed down.

After all this happened, Chartered Accountants were asked about their reaction. They did not participate in the proceedings since their ‘say’ is never heard by anybody, not even by their own subordinates. According to them, ‘Simplification’ ‘Simply a Fiction’. They only expressed that be it simplified or be it complicated, please don’t make us certify any document or sign any report! They said all clients did whatever they liked and CAs are required to endorse all the sins committed by others.

Till the Bill is passed or otherwise, the book publishing business is thriving and there is a boom in seminar business!

ASS-Movement is always successful.

Input- Output Ratio

A Chartered Accountant’s client wanted to sell his large immovable property. It was ancestral, and there were 3 to 4 co-owners. A client approached the CA and entrusted the assignment to him. The client said that he would also prefer to have a good lawyer in the picture.

The CA, as usual, was overly sincere and desired to save income tax for the client. He gave him several lawful advice. He broad-based the ownership structure so as to divide the capital gains. Internal gifts did not attract income tax. He also tried to save stamp duty. Different individual members of the family could claim different exemptions legitimately. The client was very happy.

The CA asked for some initial payment of fees. The client said — Sir, you are aware I have no money. That is why I am selling my property.

The CA met the purchaser many times. Meetings were held in the CA’s office, and the CA spent liberally on hospitality. Then, they approached the lawyer selected by the client. On three or four occasions meetings with the lawyer got postponed after waiting for more than one or two hours, as he was held up in a Court. After meeting the lawyer, the lawyer tried to understand the facts and delegated the work to his junior. The lawyer took advance fees, which the client instantly paid. He assured the CA that he would pay him later.

The lawyer’s office drafted the deed — standard format for all co-owners. It was mailed to the CA’s office. The CA took printouts of all agreements and corrected errors. He realised that despite his specific instructions, an appropriate clause of HUF was not added. So, he made corrections in the context of tax provisions, section 50-C, section 56, and so on. Virtually, he had to re-write the agreements from the tax perspective.

Purchasers insisted on the updation of ownership records in the society of plot owners. The CA followed up by doing all the paperwork.

The client received a good amount of advance from the buyer, but the CA advised him to make immediate investments to save tax. The client had ‘no money’ to pay fees to the CA.

Finally, the deal was over. The CA had saved a sizeable amount of tax for the client through proper tax planning and ensured that the deal would happen smoothly. He also guided him on advance tax, exemptions under sections 54, 54F, and 54EC by researching case laws.

However, when CA demanded his fees, he had to face a hard bargain and reduce his fees substantially, whereas, the lawyer was paid handsomely, not to mention a hefty two percent brokerage of the deal amount charged by the broker.

That is the input-output ratio!

Hanuman’s Intelligence

In Indian scriptures, Shri Hanuman is depicted as swift as the mind, extraordinarily intelligent, and mighty beyond measure. It is said that when He was a child, He was blessed by the leading gods, making him immortal. However, there was a catch—He could only use His immense power, only if reminded of it by someone else. Like how Jambavan reminded Hanuman of his extraordinary strength and powers which otherwise He had forgotten.

This story isn’t about a religion, but rather about Hanuman’s remarkable intelligence and wit.

In Pune, there are temples where the deities have some rather strange titles. Take, for instance, “Khunya Muralidhar” (meaning “Murderer Krishna”) or the even more peculiar “Bhikardas Maruti.” The word “Bhikardas” is intriguing —”Bhikar” means a beggar, and “das” means a servant or attendant. So, essentially, Hanuman, the “Bhikardas“, is seen as a servant of a beggar. How odd! But is it really?

Think about it. Lord Ram was exiled for 14 years. He was penniless, poorly dressed, and deprived of his kingdom. In a way, he resembled a beggar. Yet, Hanuman recognized his divinity and devoted himself to Ram without hesitation. Now, an ordinary person today might look for a well-established employer — maybe a reputable corporate job with a fancy title. But Hanuman saw past all that, serving Ram out of pure love and wisdom.

When Hanuman first met Ram and Lakshman, he appeared in disguise as a simple villager. Ram, noticing Hanuman’s impeccable grammar and clear pronunciation, turned to Lakshman and said, “Although this Brahmin seems to be from a rural place, he speaks like a learned scholar.” Little did they know this “villager” would soon become Ram’s greatest devotee.

Later, Hanuman took on a gigantic form and carried both Ram and Lakshman on his shoulders. After the victory over Ravana, Ram, curious, asked Hanuman, “Why did you carry us on your shoulders when you could have easily held us in your arms?”

Hanuman smiled and replied, “When you hold a child in your arms, you are responsible for keeping them secure. But when the child sits on your shoulder, the child holds onto you, making it their responsibility to stay balanced. It wasn’t me carrying you—it was you holding onto me, Lord.”

This is where Hanuman’s intelligence truly shines. In our ancient scriptures, employees are categorized into three grades:

Grade I: Those who obey and go beyond, benefiting their employer.

Grade II: Those who simply execute orders.

Grade III: The disobedient, who neither obeys nor benefits the employer.

Hanuman was a Grade I employee — he not only  located Sita but also intimidated Ravana by damaging Ashokavana and saying, “I am just a mere servant of Ram. Imagine what will happen when you face Ram himself!”

Introspection

Once a few Indians were discussing with some friends from Western countries about the difference between the Indian culture vis-à-vis the Western culture. Indians were as usual boasting of their spiritual heritage to which the Westerners agreed. But they said, ‘We agree that spiritual principles are deeply rooted in the mind of even illiterate common man of India’. They have less greed. They are contented with small things and have no craze for hifi living. They are pious and God-fearing. These principles of detachment are not understood by even the highly educated people in Western countries.

However, they added, that even an illiterate common man from Western countries understands the importance of cleanliness. He knows disciplined behaviour and has a good civic sense of not throwing garbage anywhere in an indiscreet manner and not spitting anywhere he likes.
This understanding is not found even among the moneyed and so-called educated people in India! Indians had to keep quiet.

There is a very interesting true story about this. One Australian lady had come to watch the Asian Games held in India in the year 1982. From there, she went to Kolkata to stay with some close acquaintances. One day she was invited to a function. The Indian audience asked her as to what she felt about Kolkata city, whether she liked it etc. She said she liked it. Still, they insisted that she should express her opinion frankly. So, she said, everything is alright, but there is a lot of filth around. There is a total lack of cleanliness.

The people tried to argue and pointed out to her – “Madam, are you aware that there are as many as one crore people staying in Kolkata? They wanted, perhaps, to justify the lack of cleanliness.”

She retorted- “How many more people do you need to keep the city clean?”

This is really an eye-opener, and it underlines the fact that it is everybody’s responsibility to have civic sense and keep the surroundings clean!

I heard another very interesting story which is the height of honesty. In a village, there was a small boy who was very poor. But he had a habit that whatever little he got, he used to offer half of it to the Lord Krishna in a particular temple. Once he stole a banana from a shop; offered half of it to the God and ate the remaining half. The shopkeeper was watching all this with interest. He caught him and said, I saw you stealing the banana and also that you kept half of it in the temple. I know, you are poor but a good and innocent boy. At the same time, the theft has to be punished. So, have 3 rounds (pradakshina) around the temple. The boy started the ‘pradakshina’. The shopkeeper was amazed to notice that Bhagwan Krishna was also walking along with the boy. When he came closer, he told the shopkeeper – “haven’t I eaten the half banana? So, I also should share the punishment”.

This is our concept of God, friends. We should try to emulate all the good things stated in this short article.

Light Elements

In the course of my travel for work, I was once required to stay in a small town in interiors of Maharashtra. I was staying for a couple of days and my schedule as usual was jam packed. Too many things to be completed by meeting various people who were least serious about time! For professionals from Mumbai, this is rather difficult to tolerate but one has to live with it.

I started from my hotel room in the morning and as the monsoons were about to start, it was unbearably humid. Suddenly, there was a brief shower but enough to fill the potholes with water. The road was very narrow and the traffic of rickshaws, scooters and tangas was affected. I stopped to shelter at a roadside shop. I had carried limited clothes and did not want to get wet in the drizzle. I was observing and enjoying peoples’ reactions and overall life of the local people. All of a sudden, I heard the sound of ‘zaanj’ (a traditional musical instrument used for side rhythm). Gradually, I could hear people singing bhajans of ‘Shree Ram Jay Ram, Jay Jay Ram’. I could make out that it was a funeral. Slowly it passed by the road where I was stranded in the rains.

There were quite a few people in the funeral. Around me, people were trying to guess who had died. Somebody said the person who died was not a resident of that village. He was a guest from a distant city. Another said he was the Patil (village mukhiya). Gossip was on though no one had identified as to who was the deceased person. The road was blocked. People in a hurry started cursing him – ‘Arey yaar, is ko abhi hi marna tha! All work is suffering.

Some people were offering namaskaar (homage) to the deceased person and enquiring with each other as to who he was. There was no conclusion reached since that person was perhaps a stranger in that village.

Many people were standing in the shelter of various shops. The procession was quite long. Perhaps, the person had some political connections.

A small schoolboy of six or seven was silently standing beside me and keenly observing the scene. He was perhaps on his way to school. Since there was a crowd around, I was also curious to know who had died. I asked that innocent boy, “Who died?”

The boy gave a very amusing though correct answer.

“The one whom they are carrying on their shoulders has died!”

Daring

There was a National Award instituted by a reputed organisation. It was for the outstanding courage or valour shown by any person in any field. There were many nominations. People had indeed performed unbelievably fantastic feats in various fields. Their daring was simply amazing.

There was a mountaineer who climbed all the top summits in the world without an oxygen cylinder. Another nominee took a jump into a deep valley from a mountain peak, without a parachute or any other support. Another one swam across the Pacific Ocean without any guard-boat with him.

One nominee had fought successfully with four elephants at a time with only a stick in his hand. There was someone who jumped directly on a station platform from a bullet train running at the highest speed.

One para-commando from the Army fought alone with more than 100 enemy soldiers with only one rifle in his hand and killed many of them. Others ran away.

One fireman jumped into a burning fire without his protective gear and saved dozens of people caught in the fire. There were many who had travelled around the world, across all oceans, in a sailboat, alone! They were in the sea continuously, alone, for more than 60 days! They faced all storms, cyclones and other calamities.

Yet another one stayed in the company of very fierce animals for one full month in a jungle; all by himself! One more amazing feat was hanging upside down on a tree for one full month!!

Then there was another one who ate one truckload of food in one sitting. His friend drank 1000 litres of milk in one sitting. Another hero swallowed many hard materials like blades, and parts of a truck, all materials required for a spacious bungalow within three days.

Everything was unheard of! Unimaginable! All the members of the Jury were highly impressed. But the prizes went to —

One lawyer who won a big court case purely on merits! People took it as a fiction; — Bronze Medal.

Man who stood erect before his wife and tried to raise his voice! — Silver Medal.

But the real winner, who bagged the Gold Medal, was a chartered accountant who showed a willingness to sign large company audits for the next three years.

Chaturmas (चतुर्मास): Why God Goes to Sleep

Hindus observe the period of four months from Ashadha to Kartika as ‘Chaturmas’. This is normally monsoon time — from the 11th day of Ekadashi of Ashadha to the 11th day of Kartika, usually coinciding with the English months of July to October. This year, due to Adhik (extra) month, which is an adjustment of leap year, it was extended to November.

Hindus believe that from Ashadha-Ekadashi to Kartika Ekadashi, God takes rest, i.e., He sleeps! Therefore, these four months are normally treated as not very auspicious. Very few weddings take place during this period. Since God goes to sleep on Ashadha–Ekadashi, it is called ‘Devashayani. ‘Shayanani’ means sleep. As against this, Kartika Ekadashi is called Prabodhini Ekadashi.(God wakes up). During this period, there are many religious activities performed, like Krishna Janmashtami, Ganesh Chaturthi, and Shraddha (rites of forefathers, etc.) — so that people do more religious things to safeguard against the ill effects of the inauspicious period. Similarly, there are many fasts during this period. Actually, fasting is meant for good health.

Against this background, there was once a discussion about why God goes on such a long sleep. The question was put to a common man who replied, “We people work only eight hours a day. In that also, we relax for six hours! But poor God cannot relax while on duty. He has to work 24×7, without any rest. Moreover, He finds it difficult to rush to the rescue of His devotees since the climate is bad, there are potholes on the road, railways are late, and flying is difficult. So, He takes compensatory leave for four months.”

Then, a civil engineer / architect was asked the same question. He said, “During this period, not much construction activity can be carried out due to heavy rains. Cement gets spoilt. Workers also do not attend regularly. So, He prefers to take rest.”

The lawyer said, “As it is, we hardly work except for taking adjournments. Judges and lawyers will have no work if cases are disposed of speedily. We need to maintain and increase the pendency. Judges also want to do many things, other than deciding the cases. So God feels, anyway, there is no work. Why not take a rest?”

A doctor had a different view. He said, “There are many viral diseases, God wants to support the medical fraternity. If He remains awake and protects the patients, doctors will have less business. Moreover, since He is afraid of our treatment, He prefers to sleep to keep away from diseases!”

Housewives felt that nowadays, God, by default, is always sleeping. Occasionally, He wakes up. That is why in today’s Kaliyuga, nothing is proper. There is corruption. The common man gets no justice. Everywhere there is gundaism, looting, thefts, scandals, atrocities against women and cheating of the poor. Everything is politically vitiated — be it education, the medical field or even so-called religious or spiritual activity. This is the result of God’s slumber or deep sleep!

Finally, the turn of a chartered accountant came. He was aggrieved as usual. He is very unhappy with his profession. He felt that we, CAs, spend sleepless nights working on clients’ audits and tax returns. God gets the comfort that somebody is awake. Mottos like ‘Ya Esa Suptesu Jagarti’ (ICAI)or ‘Na Bhayam Chasti Jagratah’ keep us awake. But according to him, the real reason for God going to sleep is that He is afraid of signing audits. His pledge is to help His bhaktas (devotees). A few devotees who were CAs showed Him the audit requirements — AS, SAs, Acts, Notifications, etc., and God said He was finding it difficult to understand these things. Devotees sought His help in signing, but God was horrified and went to sleep. He said He would wake up only after all the audits are signed.

Light Elements

Mr. Optimist and Mr. Skeptic were good friends. Optimist was very happy
with the policies of the new Government. He felt that now the things would be
better. The new Government has promised clean governance, minimum intervention
of administration, healthy external policies, ease of doing business,
transparency, financial inclusion, and what not! He started day dreaming for a
happy and peaceful life for the common man.

 

One day after the Union Budget, Mr.
Optimist met Mr. Skeptic.

Optimist :   Hello. What do you feel about the budget?

Skeptic :    Well. It is same as every year’s. Nothing
new!

Optimist :   Are you not happy with the policies announced
by the FM?

Skeptic :    Practically all FMs so far have been
promising the same thing.

Optimist :   But the implementation was bad. Bureaucrats
were not allowing good things to happen. 
There was corruption.

Skeptic :    Do you think bureaucracy has changed? Do you
think corruption will stop?

Optimist :   Well; we should always hope for the better.
They are taking good steps in that direction. Everything is becoming ‘on-line’.

Skeptic :    So, what you feel will happen now?

 

Optimist :   I am sure, there will be stability and
growth!

 

Skeptic :    Ha! Ha! Ha! I will tell you a story.

 

There was a very poor country. It was faced with the menace from rats.
All fields and other places were infested with rats. They were causing lot of
damage to the crop, to the properties and everything. The Government was
helpless. People didn’t know how to tackle this problem.

 

Once, they convened a conference in which international experts were
invited to solve this monstrous problem. They made their presentations which
were very impressive.

 

A few experts suggested electronic
devices; but the host country said – “we are too poor to afford such expensive
gadgets”. A few others came out with chemical solutions. Again there was
helplessness due to cost factor. 


Chemicals would also spoil the fertility of the soil. It seemed the conference
would be futile. Nothing was working out.

 

Finally, one Indian expert stood up. He said –‘I can suggest a simple
remedy’. All listened to him very intently.

 

“Look here”, he said; “Take a knife and keep it horizontal on the floor;
or on the table. Take two small plates and keep one on each end of the knife.
Put some gud (Jaggery) in one plate and some kopra (coconut) in
the other.

 

“How will it
help?” – People wondered.

 

“Rat will come;
stand before the knife and have a dilemma. What to eat first? ‘Gud’ or ‘kopra’.
He will move his neck violently. In the process, his neck will get cut! And
your jaggery and coconut will remain intact”!

 

People applauded
very loudly. They were all extremely happy. Same night, there was a cabinet
meeting of the ministers. The mood was very joyous. Suddenly, somebody pointed
out – The remedy is alright. But how can we afford so much gud and kopra?
We are so poor! There was a long and deep silence. Finally, they rang up the
expert again and explained to him the problem.

 

“Don’t worry”,
assured the expert. I will think of a solution. Let’s meet tomorrow morning.

 

Next day, there
was again an assembly of selected persons. The expert said, “ I have found the
solution. Keep the same arrangement, horizontal knife and two dishes; but let
them be empty’.

 

People got
puzzled. “How will it help?”

 

Expert – “See,
the rat will come, look at both the dishes; and will wonder “Arey! Gud bhi
nahi aur kopra bhi nahi! (Neither jaggery nor coconut). He will again shake
his neck in despair! Result, you know. Cutting of his neck!”

 

Optimist
realised the fate of ‘stability’ and ‘growth’! And also that the citizens of
our country are like rats._

 

Light Elements

Hope is indeed a great
motivator. One should always be optimistic. The Hon’ble Prime Minister has
given us the hope of “Achhe Din”. Howsoever difficult a situation may be, one
should never give up hope. Otherwise, we can’t survive. Hope, in Sanskrit,
means ‘Asha’. There is a very good subhashit (thought) that reads
like this:-

 

Meaning – hope is a
mysterious chain for men. Those who are bound by this chain keep on running;
but those without this chain get paralysed!

There are numerous
instances in history as to how brave people have come out of grave situations
of absolute darkness where there was no hope for escape.

A village potterman had a
donkey with him. The potterman was not a kind-hearted person. He used to
ill-treat the donkey by keeping him starved, slogging him every now and then
and extracting a lot of work from him.

The donkey had a friend –
obviously, another donkey. That friend asked this donkey – ‘Arey, your
boss is so cruel. He beats you, does not give you food and gets so much work
done from you. Then why do you continue with him?

The donkey said “friend,
what you say is right. My owner is not at all a good person. But I stay with
him with
one hope.

 

–  What is that?

 

–  See, my boss has a small daughter – just 5
years old.  She is very naughty.

–   So what?

 

–  The boss keeps on shouting at her every now
and then.  He scolds her and sometimes
even beats her gently.

 

–  But what is your hope?

 

–   She doesn’t stop her ‘masti’.  She keeps on being naughty.  She jumps from a tall stool, breaks the cups,
throws her things everywhere, spoils her clothes by dancing in the mud – and
what not!

 

–  But how does it help you, my dear friend?

 

–   Listen. 
When she does too much of masti, he shouts, “Baby, now if you do
any more masti, I will get you married to this donkey!! 

                    

With this hope, I am
continuing with this boss.

 

I
think, this story has a great lesson to all of us CAs.  We also get promises that our laws will be
simplified, regulation will be reduced, administration will be humane and
citizen-friendly, there will be ‘ease of doing business’. – so on and so
forth.  Situation is worsening
day-by-day.  Bureaucracy will never allow
good things to happen smoothly.  We are
also taught a myth that a chartered accountant should have ‘independence’ – to
act without fear or favour!

Now, if we give up hope,
how can we survive?  This hope alone may
bring us together and unite us to be more assertive!

So, never give up
hope.  _

‘सत्यमेव जयते’

Mr Mungeri, a Chartered Accountant, frustrated and aggrieved as always, was fed up with many things:

 

  • Clients coming at the 11th hour.
  • Clients not paying fees or delaying the payment.
  • Article – trainees not available.
  • Staff not sincere; taking leave at crucial periods.
  • Government changing the rules every now and then.
  • Government not clarifying many things, and their system not working.
  • Revenue department harassing for various reasons.
  • Clients expect him to sign their ‘untrue’ statement.
  • Own health issues – often neglected.
  • Wife unhappy since he is always available for clients(!), never for her!

…so on and so forth.

He was enduring this situation for many years. He found many CAs sailing in the same boat.

He thought to himself, “To hell with this humiliating life! What is the use of my education? Am I really my own boss? Can I enjoy my life like those friends who joined corporate jobs? Is my future secured?” He was feeling suffocated.

Once he read a short biography of Gandhiji. He saw the emblem of India on currency notes ‘Satyameva Jayate’ – Truth alone triumphs!

He recalled that as a professional, he should be independent and fearless. He got inspired and made up his mind to speak the truth.

So he sat down and created a very strong WhatsApp message, exposing everything and everyone. He cursed the Government, he cursed businessmen, he cursed revenue authorities, and became very outspoken like ‘Mungerilal’.

No wonder! The WhatsApp message became viral on social media. There was furore everywhere. Police took its cognisance, media persons came to meet him, Government Authorities got upset and planned strict action against him, and the Institute initiated disciplinary action.

Mungeri came to know all these reactions and was frightened! He lost his sleep and had to be hospitalised. He could not think of any way out. He thought that was the end of him.

His well-wishers consulted a lawyer. The lawyer advised that he should obtain a certificate from a Neurologist that he was a ‘mentally ill’ person, a lunatic and that he often behaved like a hysterical person.

A friend’s client was a neurologist. The certificate was ‘obtained’ and submitted everywhere. The Authorities got a little pacified.

But there was one difficulty. They asked him to produce precedents to show that he was not of sound mind. They wanted at least one proof of his ‘madness’.

The proof was obvious! His friends pointed out that he was in CA practice for so many years and still wanted to continue!!

NOTE

Mr C V Joshi (Chi. Vi. Joshi) was a noted Marathi writer and a leading humourist. He was a scholar in Buddhist philosophy and the Pali language. A Marathi serial, Chimanrao Gundyabhau was extremely popular even amongst non-Marathi speaking people. This serial was based on his famous book Chimanravache Charhat, which was replete with sophisticated humour. This story of CA Mungeri is adopted basically from a similar episode in the stories of Chimanrao Gundyabhau.

Two Kids

Leo Tolstoy was a great Russian thinker and writer. His short stories are very famous. The following story is based on one of Tolstoy’s short stories which I vaguely remember. This is an adaptation of his theme.

Bunty and Pinky – both studied in the first standard in the same school. They liked each other and did many things together. Occasionally, they used to quarrel since they were good friends!

Once they quarrelled on occupying the first bench in the classroom. Pinky got angry since Bunty ran to capture the first bench. She wrote in her note book that ‘Bunty is a mad boy’; and showed it to him. Bunty wrote –‘Pinky is a dull girl’ and showed to her.

Bunty opened her tiffin box and ate something. Pinky took his water bag and poured half the water on the floor! Pinky hid Bunty’s pencil; Bunty threw away her eraser. Likewise, the fight went on!

Both walked separately back home without talking to each other. They were in ‘katti’. They narrated everything to their respective mothers. Mothers got furious! In the evening, after their husbands came back from office, parents of both of them met each other. They were staying quite close to each other. The ladies held their swords on the tongues! Husbands merely escorted them. Bunty and Pinky also accompanied them.

The ‘war’ started! Bunty’s mother blamed Pinky’s parents for lack of culture. Pinky’s mother retaliated by calling unty’s parents ‘uneducated’ and ‘mannerless’! The fathers just stood beside them discussing cricket, politics, and so on. In between, they watched the fight, cursorily intervening from time to time.

The passers-by on the road stopped for a while and got entertained. Both the mothers exaggerated what their respective kids had told them. When they wanted to verify certain facts from the kids, they were shocked! The kids were not around. They were missing. Now, their anger got converted into anxiety. They started searching for them. Mothers were in tears.

Suddenly they saw the kids in a park nearby. They were amazed to see them playing with each other with complete love and affection! They had forgotten all the quarrels. While playing in the mud, they spoiled the clothes of each other. They enjoyed it and laughed loudly!

Parents watched their innocence and felt ashamed on their dispute on the road!

Law and Order

Yogesh was an intelligent but a simple young boy. He belonged to an educated and cultured middle-class family. His girlfriend Priya was also from a similar family background. Both were doing their post-graduation.

Once, Yogesh’s father bought a new two-wheeler for Yogesh. He took a bank loan for buying it. Yogesh was very excited and took Priya with him to a garden. He parked the scooter on the road and they sat on a bench from where they could see the scooter. He was especially careful since it was new.

Unfortunately, an auto-rickshaw driver knocked down the scooter while parking his auto, causing some damage to it. Yogesh ran there and started shouting. People around came to help and caught the auto-driver. The auto driver had no regrets on his face. On the contrary, he started giving bad words at the top of his voice. He was drunk and blamed all those who had parked their vehicles!

The matter went to the police station. Both Yogesh and Priya were nervous and upset since their new scooter was damaged. That was their first occasion to go to the police station.

They were not afraid because they were honest and had not done anything wrong!

The policeman looked at them, realising what had happened. He looked at the auto driver who was cool and smiling. The police officer shouted at Yogesh: –

Police Officer: Show me your driving licence.

Yogesh showed it.

Police Officer: What do you do ?

Yogesh: Study at the University for Post-graduation.

Police Officer: Where is your identity card?

Yogesh: Sir, but my scooter was knocked down by this fellow. I have come to complain.

Police Officer: Shut up. Only answer my questions. Tell me, what does your father do?

Yogesh: He is a school teacher.

Police Officer: Then how did you get the money to buy a new scooter?

Yogesh: Sir, he took a bank loan,

Police Officer Bring all the papers of the scooter – the bill, delivery note, payment receipt, bank loan sanction letter….

Yogesh: Sir, what has that to do with the present episode?

Police Officer: Don’t argue with me. Have you got insurance and PUC?

Yogesh: Yes Sir. Everything is there.

Then Police Officer turned to Priya.

Police Officer: Tell me, what were you doing with this boy?

Priya: Sir, we are friends in the same class.

Police Officer: But what were you doing here in the garden? You should be studying for the exam.

Priya: Sir, why don’t you ask questions to the auto-wala?

Police Officer: Don’t teach me. Does your father know that you are roaming with this boy?

Priya: Yes, Sir. Our families are known to each other for long.

The police officer was getting a little nervous. All his attempts to intimidate or catch the young boy and girl were failing! As a last resort, he asked both Yogesh and Priya to bring their Parents. He told gently to the auto-wala that he could go since his business would suffer.

Next day, the fathers of Yogesh and Priya came to the police station. The police officer talked to them rudely and told them that their children were not behaving properly. He also scolded the children in front of their fathers.

They said – “Sir, we will take care of our children. But in this case, what is their fault?

In fact, they approached you for help since their scooter was damaged”

Police Officer “These children are enjoying sitting in the garden and unnecessarily troubling the poor rickshaw driver. We are so busy and have no time for such petty matters!

The fathers coolly went home. Children were very much upset!

Victims were themselves treated as criminals; and the real wrongdoer was scot-free! They did not even record the complaint!

SCENE 2

Same evening, the police officer and auto-wala called at Priya’s residence; and literally fell on her father’s feet! He was working as a PA to the Commissioner of Police!!

We CAs are often victims of wrong doings of others. We need to keep this story in mind.

MANAGED

Once upon a time, there was a large kingdom that was overpopulated. The new King was good. He had honest intentions to have a clean and efficient administration. He had a few good ministers; but over the past many years, there had been complete lawlessness and indiscipline. Many ministers and bureaucrats were addicted to lavish living and resorted to rampant corruption.

Nothing moved without ‘speed money’. Corruption was firmly rooted in every walk of life. School admissions, exam results, health services, transport, business deals, jobs, defense, internal security services, and even judiciary. Nothing favorable could be achieved without ‘setting’. All conscientious persons and professionals were finding it very difficult to survive and perform without resorting to undesirable things.

Nobody listened to professionals and wise people. Justice was delayed inordinately. Wrongdoers were never punished. On the contrary, they enjoyed a high status in society. The common man was frustrated. Meritorious students could not join their desired course of study due to peculiar policies of the Government. They preferred to go, study and settle abroad.

This corruption had percolated down to the common people. Nobody was interested in hard work. Everybody wanted easy and quick money. Therefore, even the common man had become lazy and corrupt. The new king wanted to clean up all these things, but bureaucracy never allowed him to do so. They troubled the common man more and more so that people would hate the king. Nobody wanted discipline.

Since there were many complaints and grievances, the king announced that he would listen to 10 grievances every day and would sort them out immediately. People had to personally come to collect coupons to meet him in serial order. King used to himself issue the tokens early morning strictly on a ‘first come first served’ basis. There was no record as to whom the tokens were issued as it was not considered necessary. The King had an ambitious plan to eradicate corruption.

One day, just after 10 tokens were distributed, a man came. He was educated and wanted to share many grievances against the revenue authorities. The King asked him to come the next day. He urged that he was traveling the next day; but the King was uncompromising and refused to entertain him.

At 9 am sharp, the King would sit for meeting the ten persons. To his surprise, the man who was refused the token appeared before him! King got confused and puzzled.

“Oh! You gentleman, the one who came late in the morning?

“Yes, Your Majesty”.

“How come, you got the serial number one token?”

“ I paid money to the first person!’

‘ How did you do it?”

“Sir, I am a tax professional. I have to manage all such things. Otherwise, we will not survive!

The King realised that even the common citizen who sold the token was tempted by money! He also realised that his task was endless like an ocean!
 

Learning from Kids

Many people cry nowadays about the degeneration of human values and the disappearance of ethics from human behaviour. I attribute this to the fact that elders have stopped learning from the innocent behaviour of small children. Due to the invasion of electronic and social media; and rat race for one-up-manship, there is no dialogue within the family. Children have so much to share with their parents, but parents have no time and mood to listen to them.

Children’s conversation is not only worth marking but worth taking a message from! Once I visited my friend’s house. His small 5-year kid came running from another room. I stared at him and said, “your nose is your mother’s, and your eyes are your dad’s”. The sweet boy retorted – “And this pant is of my bade-bhaiya (elder brother)”. This was a great lesson in sharing our belongings with brothers, sisters and friends. During the good old days, sharing textbooks with juniors was common. Presently, this system or culture is going away. One reason, perhaps, is that many parents have only one kid!

In Sanskrit, it is said Meaning – one must accept good thoughts even from children. It is important to note not only what children think and talk but also how they act. There is a well-known story that many kids participated in a running race. One of them fell. That time, others tried to lift him and helped him to reach the destination. This story was in the context of physically/ mentally challenged children. That is the reason why such children are called ‘differently-abled’. If we are contented and have no greed, the whole world, including we ourselves would be so happy!

In the field of psychology, one experiment is very famous. Forty kids in the age group of 5 to 6 years were selected. They gave one chocolate to each of them with an instruction that they would now visit a park. The boy or girl who preserves the chocolate until they come back will get one more chocolate. Many of them preserved it. Then, the lives of all of them were studied for the next 30 to 40 years. Those who preserved the chocolate were found to be more stable and happy in life. They did well in their career. The message is that of faith and patience (Shraddha and saburi). Have faith that you will get more as promised, and have patience till you get it! Small children, by their conduct, teach us a lot!

There was a housing society where there were many children. Fortunately, they were free from screen addiction. All were in the age group of 8 to 12 years. They decided to do some activities, like planting trees, for which they formed a ‘mandal’(club). They also felt that they should raise funds by contributions from all the society members.

The society consisted of many buildings. Boys and girls were allotted one building each. Accordingly, Chintu went from house to house collecting contributions. People were responding out of affection and appreciation. They encouraged the children.

One ‘uncle’ made a contribution. He was a little witty. He asked Chintu – “I have become a member of your mandal. Now, what will I get?” Chintu thought for a while, a little confused! But then he said, “Uncle, you will be able to give such a contribution next year also!”

Message – One should do good things, not with an expectation of returns but to be able to do good things again and again.

[This article has been written in the context of Children’s Day celebrated on 14th November.]

Cursed Animals

The Kingdom of Gods was governed by the God of Gods – GOG. Thousands of gods and demi-gods stayed happily in this kingdom. All facilities to enjoy their lives were freely available to them.

However, GOG was not sure whether all gods were performing their roles properly, and discharging their duties diligently. Therefore, he thought that a certain degree of checking or verification was required.

GOG asked Brihaspati, the Guru of the Gods, to set up certain principles and define the duties of various gods. It was a very complicated document to regulate the functions of all.

The question was – who would check all this? So, a very difficult examination was conducted. Very few intelligent gods passed the examination. GOG authorised them to perform the duty of checking. They were called ‘Registered Gods’ – RGs. The picture painted before them was a very rosy picture.

The first point of checking was Kubera, the treasurer of gods. Whether all gods to whom offerings were made by human beings on earth deposited their collections in the Kubera’s treasury. Whether Kubera utilised it properly, and whether the accounts were properly drawn up and presented.

GOG found that the Sun has become irregular. He disappeared in between and suddenly generated too much heat. It led to global warming. So, GOG introduced energy conservation checking and the overall functioning of the Sun.

It was then found that Varuna – the God of rains also became irregular. Issues of environment and pollution arose. So, environment checking was introduced.

Likewise, many things were added every year within the scope of RG’s work. RGs got tired. They did not get any extra remuneration. Gods whose performance was checked by RGs continued to behave in the same manner despite the adverse findings of RGs. In short, no one really respected RGs.

GOG once openly said, “RGs are not doing their job properly!” RGs had to face trials in the Heaven. They were found guilty. So, GOG cursed them – You shall go to the earth. You will work like donkeys; but the Government and common people will expect everything from you as if you were Gods. Your earnings will be meagre as no one will recognise the value of your services. You will have only responsibilities, and no one will care for what you want.

At the same time, you will have to pass very difficult exams. You will get a feeling that our status is elevated; but in reality you will always remain ineffective. You will not get support from anyone. Finally, you will feel frustrated.

Thereafter, these RGs were born on earth and came to be known as ‘Cursed Animals’.

ACCOUNTING FOR ‘SPECIAL’ TRANSACTIONS

PREAMBLE

A new Accounting Standard is proposed to be introduced to bring transparency in accounting and enable a ‘True and Fair’ view in Audit Reports regarding certain ‘Special’ Transactions. This Accounting Standard may be known as Accounting for Special Transactions (AST).

SPECIAL TRANSACTIONS

These Special Transactions include the following. These are only illustrative. It covers all such transactions which were hitherto going unaccounted.

1. Kickback: For getting special favours in business or securing sales-orders/contracts.

2. Speed money: For getting quicker results on an out of turn basis.

3. Goodwill amount: For expressing gratitude for some important work done by others.

4. Setting amount: For ensuring a favourable result from an authority or any other person.

5. Settling amount: For settling a dispute decided against the entity whose accounts are to be maintained.

6. Adjustments: Payments made for a legitimate purpose and objective but are required to be shown under different heads.

Similar payments may be made in different forms under various names and for different purposes.

Explanation:

The word ‘legitimate’ used in Item No. 6 shall not mean and imply that the payments mentioned in item nos. (1) to (5) are illegitimate. These are normal and inevitable expenditures of any business.

METHOD OF ACCOUNTING

In the past, there was a practice of accounting for all such payments on cash basis since no work would be completed without a prior or advance payment or payment immediately after obtaining the desired results.

However, it was observed after the demonetisation and during the pandemic period that payments were deferred due to the cash crunch in many business entities. Therefore, there is a need to issue guidelines on accounting for such payments.

THE STANDARD

1. Payments need to be classified between capital and revenue. Payments effected for acquiring capital assets shall be capitalised to respective assets.

2. Payments made for obtaining permissions, licences, registrations, permits, etc., shall be accounted as deferred revenue expenses.

3. The remaining categories may be accounted for as revenue expenses and charged to the profit and loss account.

4. Payments made without obtaining desired results may be written off in the year they were made.

ACCRUAL

5. In case the payments are committed, and the credit is allowed by the person to whom it is due, it can be shown as outstanding, and a proper disclosure shall be made in the Notes to Accounts.

6. In case the payment is uncertain, depending on whether the desired result will be obtained or otherwise, the same shall be disclosed as a contingent liability.

It is hereby clarified that no accounts shall be treated as True and Fair unless such Special Transactions are reported in the manner prescribed in this Standard. In case the transactions are disclosed in this manner, the provisions of NOCLAR shall not be applicable.

Note: Views and suggestions from readers are invited for better interpretation and implementation of this standard within 15 days from receiving this journal.

THE CANTEEN BILL

Here is a story of a raid by Excise authorities. I am told this is a true incident that occurred in Pune.

Mr. Joshi was a hardcore technocrat but an accomplished businessman, very disciplined and upright, and uncompromising on his principles. His business of manufacturing certain engineering goods was very prosperous. Mr. Joshi believed in clean and transparent financial records. Therefore, his company’s Chartered Accountant never had any difficulty completing his audit, submitting all documents and other forms under any law, tax payments, and other compliances. The CA’s fees also used to be paid regularly and in time, within seven days from receiving his invoice.

All the workers and staff members of Mr. Joshi’s company were well trained, satisfied with the working conditions, happy with the remuneration and naturally, loyal to the company. In short, it was a dream situation for all concerned – a role model. The assessments of income and all other revenue laws were very smooth.

The Revenue authorities were rather unhappy with this type of an assessee. They had no ‘incentive’ in this case. Mr. Joshi did not mind fighting up to the highest forum for justice. If there was anything unfair in any law, he had the courage to raise his voice against it and approach the Government for necessary amendments. The Revenue authorities used to think twice before raising any objection on his records or his stand.

In short, Mr. Joshi’s position in his business and his performance on all fronts was too nice to be true! But fortunately, it was a reality. Naturally, some people were jealous due to rivalry. They used to file mischievous complaints against him.

One day, there was a raid on his factory on the pretext of some ‘information’. The Authorities came with the police force. Mr. Joshi coolly received them and asked them to go to any place and check anything, but warned them that they should not harass any employee or disturb the production process. He told them that they could meet him after they finished. The employees also were calm and undisturbed.

The authorities resorted to all types of tricks and intimidating tactics. They checked everything very thoroughly and interrogated the staff. Mr. Joshi was in his cabin throughout the day, entertaining his visitors. At the end of the day, the authorities were tired. They could not find any flaw. They virtually surrendered and wound up the raid. They came to meet Mr. Joshi who smilingly inquired whether they found anything and said that if anything were even slightly wrong, he would close his business! He maintained his cool despite some over smartness of the authorities. He apologised that he could not spare time for them since he had important visitors from abroad.

The authorities finally said, “we would get nothing out of the raid, especially when we saw that during lunchtime, your tiffin came from your residence, and you and your two sons had your lunch without even offering anything to us!” They admitted that it was an unprecedented experience for them!

“OK, Mr. Joshi, we have finished our job. Congratulations on your excellent, disciplined and transparent record keeping. We take your leave”.

“Oh! How can you leave like that? You had lunch and snacks in our canteen; and this is the bill of our canteen – Rs. 24,370. I will appreciate it if you clear it before leaving, as the canteen-man is accountable for this!’ said Mr. Joshi.

Is any of us having such a client?

SHOCK

A very interesting case was going on in the Court. The issue was very sensitive, and there were many stakeholders. The case had many social and financial ramifications. One party to the dispute was very influential and financially sound. The opponent party was aggrieved was not so resourceful.

The influential party had engaged a very reputed counsel who had an enviable track record of success. He and his client both were celebrities. The other party was a mediocre person. He could not afford a senior counsel. He had engaged a not so well-known junior counsel.  People had concluded that it was then a one-sided battle.

However, contrary to the expectations of all, the junior counsel fought it brilliantly. He had taken it as a challenge. And merits were really on his side. In the good old days, such merits had a good value in courts of law. Today, truth has to live with a lot of fear, and it does not come out that easily. It gets buried under money or muscle power!

Many experienced lawyers say that they win the cases not because of merits or their arguing skills, but just because the opponent’s lawyer is often not well prepared. In this case, the senior counsel, as usual, was very well prepared and had not taken it lightly. Still, the junior posed a great challenge to the senior. He made such brilliant arguments so beautifully that the people in the courtroom were pleasantly surprised. They were impressed. The senior was often put into a defensive position.

The balance had clearly tiled on the juniors side. The mediocre party was completely satisfied with his counsel’s performance.

He could barely afford the juniors counsel’s fees but had no means to purchase the decision.

The court was adjourned. The decision was to be announced the next day. The senior counsel was a little embarrassed, while the junior appeared to be triumphant. Many people congratulated him and even the media persons were all praise for him. The curiosity about the decision was mounting!.

The next day the proceedings resumed. The influential party and his counsel were very cool. The other party was very anxious. There was a pin-drop silence when the court started reading the judgement. The contents appeared to be quite balanced, though a little in favour of the smaller party.

However, unfortunately, the final verdict went against the junior; everybody was stunned! The influential party and his counsel were smiling as if they knew the outcome beforehand.

The junior counsel stood up and exclaimed –“I am shocked by this decision!” The court looked at him with a frown. It took it as an offence. People were confused about reacting, although they held the same opinion. There were anxious moments in the Court.

However, a very senior and respected counsel came to the rescue of junior counsel. He said, “My Lord, please forgive my learned young friend. He is new and has not much experience. Had he been experienced enough, he would not have been even half as much shocked as he is today!”

VIRTUAL HEARING

The other day I visited the office of a senior Chartered Accountant (hereinafter ‘the senior’) unannounced after a long time. He is indeed very ‘senior’, not less than 80, but still in practice. Age is just a number for him; he is both energetic and active. Before I entered the chamber, his driver Jaya told me, ‘Sir is about to begin a virtual hearing’. But as soon as I knocked on the door, I heard him shout, ‘Get out, Tommy!’

Tommy, for your information, is his pet dog. The senior operates from his four-bedroom flat, with the hall converted into his office. And believe me, Tommy ran out as soon as I opened the door, brushing against my leg. I was caught unawares and got scared. The senior was scanning the papers littered on his table, maybe making last-minute preparations. As he heard the sound of my footsteps, he looked up, squinted at me and hurriedly waved to me to sit down. I slowly lowered myself into the chair in front of him.

‘Herambh, you! What a pleasure!’ he greeted me, as if he had been waiting for me.

‘Sir, just a courtesy call, nothing more.’

‘Herambh, you know, today is the first-ever virtual hearing of my life,’ he stated.

‘Sir, Jaya told me that when I was entering your cabin,’ I said.

‘Jaya told you? Okay, no problem.’ But the senior seemed to be nervous, his nervousness conspicuous on his face. I thought it would be better to leave.

‘Sir, I could come some other day,’ I said politely.

‘No, no, Herambh, I have no problem, you stay till the end of the hearing; look, I am not computer-savvy and this new technology, internet blah blah… you would be a great help to me,’ he said.

‘I can understand your concern, Sir, when I began to learn computers long back, I was afraid of pressing a button on the keyboard thinking something would go wrong!’

‘Are you scaring me, Herambh?’ he asked.

‘No, Sir, not at all! I was just telling you my experience from my initial days,’ I hastily clarified.

‘Look, I have learnt the ABC of computers from my grandsons Bunty and Babli who are in the 7th and 8th standards; very smart chaps. Let me call them.’ The senior got up, went to the balcony and shouted ‘Bunty-Babli, come up immediately!’

Bunty and Babli replied in chorus ‘Yes, Grandpa, coming! Last ball!’

After a while the door behind me cracked open and Bunty with a bat and Babli with the ball, both with cricket caps on their heads, entered the hall-turned-office.

‘Relax, Bunty-Babli, relax! Sit by my side, drink a glass of water.’ I observed that two chairs were arranged for Bunty and Babli on either side of the senior’s chair. They settled down and wiped their faces that were full of sweat and dust. The senior was looking at them with great pride and hope [hope, maybe, for a successful hearing]. Then he brought out two medium-size chocolate bars from a drawer and gave these to them. I was watching the scene silently, seeing the grandpa and his love and affection for his grandsons.

‘Well, Herambh, because of on-line education, Bunty and Babli are well versed with this internet technology, they will guide me in this “virtual hearing”, the first ever in my life, you know,’ confessed the senior without being asked.

‘Hello Bunty, Babli,’ I greeted them.

They somehow managed to say ‘Hi, Uncle’, in chorus, still munching on the chocolate bars.

As soon as they finished them, they took charge of all the computer apparatus on the table – keyboard, mouse, headphone, etc.

‘Grandpa, let’s start; Babli, switch on,’ Bunty ordered.

‘Yes, Dadu,’ Babli got up and switched on the main supply.

As the computer turned on, Bunty and Babli glued their eyes to the screen, searching for the internet connection.

‘Yes! Grandpa, we got the internet connection,’ shouted Bunty. Both the senior and I became alert. Following Bunty’s declaration, the senior wore his spectacles and started to locate the hearing notice which had the log-in details.

‘Bunty beta, these are the log-in details,’ the senior handed over the paper to Bunty, looking at him with great hope and placing one hand on his shoulder. On the other side, Babli was fidgeting in his chair, waiting to contribute his bit.

‘Grandpa, you are not allowing me to do anything; only Bunty beta do this, Bunty beta do that,’ complained Babli.

‘Calm down, Babli, you find my pen and mobile,’ the senior said.

Babli moved swiftly to look for the two articles in the heap of papers and files littered on the table. He somehow succeeded in his search, messing up the papers and files even further. And he handed over the mobile and the pen to the senior.

‘Good boy, God bless you.’ the Senior said, looking at Babli.

As the time of hearing was approaching, he told Bunty to log in. Doing as told, Bunty logged in and declared, ‘Grandpa, put on your specs and headphone, we are about to start the virtual hearing session.’

Fortunately, the case was before a single-member bench. At the scheduled time, there was some movement on the screen and the Member appeared.

‘Speak, grandpa, speak,’ advised Bunty and Babli in hushed tones.

‘Good morning, Sir,’ greeted the senior.

‘How are you, Bhishmacharya?’ asked the Member. Being the senior-most in Tribunal practice, the senior was addressed as ‘Bhishmacharya’ with reverence.

‘I’m fine,’ replied the senior. Having exchanged initial pleasantries, the case references were brought on record. However, the departmental representative was still not in the loop.

On the other hand, the senior was very eager to begin his first-ever experience of a ‘virtual hearing.’ But all of a sudden, the screen went blank.

‘Bunty-Babli, see what happened,’ shouted the senior.

‘Grandpa, wait, the internet may be down on the other side,’ advised Bunty.

After a while, the Member appeared on the screen. ‘Internet trouble, connectivity dropped, I wonder the learned DR is still not on air,’ said the Member.

‘Your Honour, I emailed my paper book for your ready reference well in advance, it must have reached the learned DR also,’ said the senior.

There was a pause. The senior could hear the Member’s mobile ringing. The Member picked up his phone and the senior overheard the conversation, ‘What happened? Not possible… why… power outage plus no connectivity… Oh my God!… No alternative… adjourn… next date… wait, I will call you back…”

‘Sorry, Counsel, we will have to adjourn the hearing; the learned DR says no power, no connectivity… Counsel can we make it to 1st April, is it suitable to you?’ the Member asked.

‘No problem, Your Honour, make it to 1st April,’ said the senior with a heavy heart. The Member logged off instantly. Bunty did the same. The senior took a long breath and removed the headphone. Bunty and Babli ran away to complete their interrupted cricket match. I, too, got up and consoled the senior.

‘Better luck next time, Sir; don’t be nervous, it happens very often, you are not an exception,’ and moved towards the door. And Tommy ran in to meet his master.

Thus, the first-ever virtual hearing ended with the first-ever virtual adjournment!

CORONA? IT’S A MINOR PROBLEM!

A Chartered Accountant was under a lot of tension. He had lost quite a few friends and relatives due to Corona. Many others known to him had tested positive and were hospitalised. Although he had stopped watching news channels, the negativity in his mind refused to subside. When the stress became unbearable, he surrendered to a Sadhu Maharaj. The following was the dialogue between the two:

CA: Pranaam, Sadhu Maharaj.

Sadhu: Vatsa, kaunsi chinta tumhe mere paas laayi hai? (My child, what’s brought you here to me?)

CA: Guruji, you may be aware that this Corona is playing havoc everywhere in our country.

Sadhu:    It is world-wide.

CA: Yes, but this second wave in India is more disastrous than in any other country. I have lost my sleep. Even in my dreams I see Corona viruses all around.

Sadhu: I wonder why we Indians are so afraid of Corona. There is another virus which is very familiar to you and it has been killing the country over the last seven decades.

CA: Achchha! I was not aware. What is that?

Sadhu: Surprising! Are you really a CA?

CA: Maharaj, I was so much engrossed with my practice that I never read anything about any other virus which is so serious.

Sadhu: That other virus is so dangerous that this Corona is nothing before it.

CA: In what way, Guruji?

Sadhu: See, Corona stays with a person for just eight to 15 days. After that, either the Corona goes or the person goes. And some money also goes. But the other virus stays with you all your life and takes away your money every day.

CA: How is it that I never heard about it?

Sadhu: That other virus is omnipresent. It is present in Corona testing. It decides whether you are Covid positive or negative. It decides whether you should be hospitalised. Without it you cannot even get a hospital bed. That other virus decides what treatment to give. It arranges for medicines, including Remdesivir. Without it, how can you get oxygen?

CA: You mean it is some Government Authority? Or some Minister?

Sadhu: Arey nahi, vatsa. It is neither a Minister nor an authority. But it is there with every Minister and authority.

CA: (Completely puzzled) Maharaj?

Sadhu: Not only this, but that other virus decides whether or not there is a Corona wave. It decides whether vaccines are available. It decides how much gap should be there between two doses of the vaccine.

CA: Guruji, it was after a lot of effort that I have only now come to understand GST and other tax laws; and even Accounting Standards to some extent. I attempted to know even ICDS. But what you are telling me is simply baffling. I can’t even imagine how I never learnt about the other virus. And you are saying it is even more dangerous.

Sadhu: Many times more dangerous than this Covid-19. It has many variants and mutations. There is no place in our country where it is not there. It is in cities as well as in villages, in every walk of life – education, health, administration, judiciary and defence.

CA: Maharaj, it also comes in waves?

Sadhu:    No, it is constant. It never dies. It is ever increasing. If you try to suppress it, it bounces back, it grows. Even the statistics of this Corona are controlled by that other virus.

CA: Please give me some clue.

Sadhu: What more do you want? It is there even in our spiritualism. It kills many things at a time. It kills many men, it kills our character, it destroys our values, it spoils our social and personal life. I will give you a clue. The first three letters of the other virus are the same as those of Corona.

CA: Maharaj, I understood! That other virus is  ‘CORruption!’ Thank you. I am aware that this Corona can be treated, cured or at least controlled, but the other one has no remedy. Now, my fear about this Corona has completely vanished. Once again, Pranaam to you, Maharaj!

STORY OF THE GLORY

It is very nice to hear a speaker
at a conference describe ours as a ‘glorious’ profession! But what is the
reality? Here is an interesting (and frightening) true story.

 

A very big bank lent rupees one
thousand crores to a company. The bank had a ‘positive’ name. But there was a
scandal in the company. The bank had given huge advances to many such
companies. The bank went into deep trouble and the negative side of the
positive bank was exposed in the media. The bank’s high-profile CMD was
arrested. Many were put behind bars.

 

As usual, the question asked in the
public was ‘What was the auditor doing?’ As if the auditor is sitting
in the company the whole day and managing it!? It is the tradition in the
banking sector to make the auditor of the borrower a scapegoat regardless of
the person who may be at fault. The bank filed a complaint of professional
misconduct with the ICAI. Although ICAI is aware of the scandals in the banks
and the motivation behind such complaints, it has no choice but to entertain
such complaints. The reason is, it is a ‘glorious’ profession!

 

It was later revealed that the
auditor had signed the correct financial statements, made disclosures and
maintained good working papers. However, the borrower company had manipulated
the audited statements by masking certain figures and adverse observations and
qualifications. A photocopy which was not signed by the auditor was presented
to the bank for the loan. And since the bank was ‘positive’ it sanctioned the
loan of Rs. 1,000 crores. Please don’t ask stupid questions such as why did the
bank not insist on original signed statements, why it did not verify them in
the public domain, and so on. As per the banking norms, such questions are to
be asked only to small borrowers of Rs. 5 lakhs. If you want Rs. 1,000 crores,
the processing is very ‘simple’ and quick – on ‘a fast track’.

 

The poor auditor, despite doing a
fairly good job, was dragged into the investigations. Needless to say, he never
received his fees. On top of it, he has to face inquiries by CBI, SFIO, EOW,
etc., etc.

 

The poor auditor is made to visit
the investigators’ offices every day, answer the same questions, spend on his
lawyers’ fees, conveyance, humongous paperwork and what not. Everyone is
puzzled why the auditor carried out the audit properly and gave a qualified
report. Everybody feels that he could have given a clean report and shared some
Rs. 25 crores from the loan. He could have had a share in that sum!

 

And the beauty is that in the
inquiry, on some very technical grounds, the auditor may be held guilty of
professional misconduct. In other words, the auditor is the only person who
really suffers. The huge scam, the fraudulent people around, all that is irrelevant.
The reason is that ‘ours is a dignified and respectable profession’. Hence,
vulnerable.

 

Friends,
this is the common story of the ‘glory’ of our profession.

PARADOX

‘Oh, hell! What a disgusting profession! I wonder why I chose it!’ A Chartered Accountant was cursing his profession.

‘What happened?’ I asked in a sympathetic tone.

He continued, ‘It’s very easy to say from the dais – “A dignified profession”. But in reality nobody cares for our profession.’

‘But people feel very highly about a CA. Your course is so difficult. The passing percentage is so low.’

The CA: ‘But what’s the use? You become “out-dated” every six months! Many things change every day! Zindagi mein kitne saal padhate rahane ka ? (How long to keep on learning and studying in life?)’

I pointed out, ‘But your signature is valuable. Government requires your signature on many documents and certificates – Not only on financial statements.’

‘But that is only a responsibility, a burden without commensurate rewards. There’s too much of regulation. It is impossible to keep track…’

I said, ‘Audit is your monopoly.’

He countered: ‘That is killing us. Nobody really wants audit. Nobody wants to pay tax. So our services are unwelcome…’

‘But you alone can guide the clients to comply with all laws and the rules and regulations.’

‘The client has no value for all these things. He says that all that we are doing is for ourselves; just to save our skin. He never feels any value addition in those regulations and compliances’.

I ventured, ‘But since these things are mandatory, you get fees…’

‘Fees? Bah! This is the most unremunerative profession. Payment of our fees is at the bottom of the ladder. And they bargain even for small amounts.’

‘But due to the system of articleship, you get good assistants at low cost?’

‘Articles? The less said about them the better. Everybody dictates to us – clients, staff, articles, regulators – and also the wife at home!’

‘But you do get the satisfaction of rendering good service?’

‘Satisfaction? There is nothing but frustration. Don’t you know that without corruption you cannot give results.’

I pointed out that there are many opportunities in the corporate sector. There are many other avenues and a variety of other services that one can render.

The CA agreed with me and added, ‘But for that you need not be a CA. And in corporates there is slogging like glorified slaves… No personal life… No independence. There is hypocrisy everywhere. And now everything is technology-driven. There is no application of mind.’

I said, ‘But don’t your clients maintain a long relationship with you?’

The CA responded sceptically with, ‘As soon as the fees are increased, the relations come to an end! There is no loyalty.’

The discussion was endless. We stopped after two hours – with his final remark, ‘I wonder why people go for this course at all! It was a wrong decision on my part. This profession has no future’.

We dispersed.

Next morning, I received a WhatsApp massage from my CA friend: ‘Pleased and proud to inform you that my son has passed his CPT exam and will be joining the CA course…’

In the Mahabharat, there is a very interesting chapter called ‘Yaksha-Prashna.’ It is an enlightening dialogue between Yudhishtira and a ‘super’ human being, Yaksha. He asks, ‘What is the most paradoxical situation in the world?’

Yudhishtira replies, ‘Everybody knows that death is inevitable; yet they behave as if they are immortal’.

I think many CAs feel that this profession has no future, yet their next generation takes up the course. Perhaps this applies to all professions.

WHO OR WHAT’S A CAP?

Mr. Thinkeshwar was a senior Chartered Accountant in practice for many years. His real name was Ishwar. However, he used to think so much that people started calling him ‘Thinkeshwar’. He was very sensitive and quite aware of social issues. He had genuine sympathy for the pains and miseries of the people, was a social activist and a good writer, too.

In the months of June and July, 2020 when Covid-19 was at its peak, he read a news item about how ‘Corona Afflicted People’ (CAP) were treated in society. One person tested Corona positive while he was in his office. Immediately, the boss asked him to leave. The CAP said there was no conveyance available. He was working in an essential service office – in a bank. But the boss ordered him to quit immediately and refused to even meet him. The driver refused to take him home in the car. The poor fellow walked about six km. to reach home. The security person was surprised to see him back so early. The news had already reached all the occupants of the society and the watchman was instructed not to let him enter the building. His family members were watching from their balcony. They threw his clothes and personal things down and asked him to go and stay in some hotel or any other place. He pleaded with each one of them – boss, colleagues, bank customers, driver, watchman, family members – about how he had done good things for them. But no one was in a mood to listen.

Thinkeshwar was moved by such true stories and started writing a very emotional article.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to him which gave him the shivers – what would happen if he himself became a CAP! He imagined certain scenes and dialogues:

With partners: ‘I slogged for the development of the firm with utmost good faith and sacrificed my personal life.’

Partners: ‘See, our agreement is to share only the profits of the firm, not each other’s personal difficulties’.

With articles: ‘I was generous to you – granting leaves, giving concessions in timings, imparting good training’.
Articles: ‘That’s nothing. It was your duty and our right.’

With staff: ‘I treated you so nicely and affectionately. Never did any bossing, paid salaries and bonus on time.’
Staff: ‘So what? We worked on lower salary. We would have earned much more outside (although everybody had tried outside). On the contrary, we obliged you by working with you.’

To clients: ‘I sacrificed my personal life to provide better service to you, carried all your anxieties on my head and remained in stress always. I helped you in many difficult situations on low fees, which were never received promptly, and undertook so much risk in certifying your accounts.’
Clients: ‘Sorry. That was your professional duty. We could have hired some other CA at a much cheaper cost but due to our “relations” we kept on obliging you. And we believe there is some law that prohibits prompt and regular payment of fees to CA’s!’

To family members: ‘I slogged at the cost of my health and sacrificed all personal pleasures. I committed so many sins to provide you a happy life.’
Family: ‘What’s great about that? It is the fate of all CAs. It’s your destiny. We are not going to share your sins and pains.’

Many similar scenes took place in Mr. Thinkeshwar’s vivid imagination – with Revenue Officers, friends, relatives and neighbours, but everybody disowned him.

Poor CAP’s, he thought to himself. He remembered the story of ‘Valya the dacoit’ who became Valmiki to write the Ramayan. And then suddenly he trembled as he realised that CAP also stands for CA’s in Practice.

He smiled to himself and happily started writing ‘Light Elements’ for BCAJ with a heavy heart.

DISTANCE AND MASK

While going down memory lane, I recall that
in my childhood whenever I used to travel by road with my parents I never
missed to read the words painted in bold, KEEP DISTANCE, on the
backs of trucks running ahead of us. When the car overtook a truck, I got
excited and cheered the driver. As if I had won the race. I was under the
impression that our driver would have got the permission to go ahead from the
driver of the truck!

 

At that time I did not know the reason for
the display of those words KEEP DISTANCE on the back of every
truck. Later I realised that it is for safety and to avoid a mishap if the
truck ahead of you brakes suddenly. This principle is applicable to all vehicles
running on the road. It is a part of traffic rules all over the world. So, KEEP
DISTANCE.

 

But you and I never imagined that one day
this traffic rule would be applicable between human beings. With the outburst
of the corona pandemic, the words KEEP DISTANCE started echoing in every
nook and corner of the world, with its Indian version of ‘Do gaz ki doori’.

 

However, just ‘Keep Distance’ or ‘Do gaz ki
doori’ is not enough; this traffic rule of ‘Keep Distance’ is incomplete if you
don’t mask your face. So distance without mask is not safe. The reason for this
is to keep the deadly virus away. The only route this virus gets into your body
is through the nose, the ‘Gateway of Corona’. When you cover your face, you
become ‘faceless’. Don’t take anybody at face value, meaning don’t be in
contact with anyone with an open face. He or she can be a carrier of the
‘predator’ called corona.

 

Before the mask being used in the corona
pandemic, let us recall that in some communities women are required to cover
their face; it’s called ‘Ghunghat’ or ‘Burqa’. This practice is followed
religiously in patriarchal families in rural parts of India. Even at home, a
married woman is to wear a ‘ghunghat’ to show respect to the elders in the
family. So you will find a married woman standing on the threshold of the
drawing room adjusting her ‘ghunghat’ constantly to cover her face even if she
is arguing with the elders at home. Often, a female cannot step out of her home
without covering her face. And this has been in vogue from times immemorial.

 

Interestingly, the ‘ghunghat’ has been a
source of comedy of errors in many Hindi films and serials. And then covering
the face with a ‘gamacha’ is common in the underworld. The underworld is always
a big threat to law and order of the ordinary world where you and I live. The
term ‘underworld’ covers everyone, right from ‘Chambal ke daku / Thugs’ to bank
robbers, ATM robbers [a new category] and every evil soul indulging in crime on
earth. The dominant intention of those evil souls is to hide their identity
while committing heinous crimes.

 

We also see girls and women covering their
face with an ‘Odhani’ or ‘Dupatta’ whenever they are riding a vehicle solo or
pillion-riding. Why do they follow this practice? We should not intrude into
their privacy too much. I think you understand what I mean.

 

When it comes to the mask being used now,
what we observe all around us is quite amusing. Initially, there was a lot of
talk about masks, right from the World Health Organization to heads of nation
to the Prime Minister of India, the Health Minister, epidemiologists, doctors
and ‘WhatsApp universities’. In this corona pandemic, the mask is the only
‘panacea’ to stay safe before the virus enters your body. Surprisingly, this
claim was turned down by none other than the President of the USA Donald Trump
before he was caught by the deadly virus during the Presidential election
campaign!

 

There have been a lot of discussions and
debates, particularly on electronic media, about what constitutes a proper
mask. Initially, the N95 mask was highly recommended by WHO. But it was not
affordable in India. So we see ‘desi’ versions of masks of different designs,
colours, material, layers in use. Even a simple cotton ‘gamacha’ is used as a
mask in many parts of India. In fact, it is more popular than the N95 mask.
Many people take pride in using ‘gamacha masks’ (perhaps they believe in
‘Aatmanirbhar Bharat’). Go to YouTube and you will find at least a hundred
videos of ‘How to make home-made masks’ with practical instructions in sweet
voices.

 

The use of a mask is compulsory outside your
home, without mask you are liable for a penalty. The penalty varies from city
to city. So don’t become the target of the police department because some
overzealous police uses physical force, too. You may have seen those visuals on
your TV screen.

So distance and mask are inseparable to curb
the spread of the corona virus. Earlier it was social distancing, but it is all
about physical distancing at present.

 

But for corona
distance doesn’t matter; it emanated from the laboratory in Wuhan in China and
travelled to every nook and corner of the world. The health and the wealth of
the world have been destroyed by this deadly pandemic.

 

Remember, the humble ‘gamacha’ along with
‘Do gaz ki doori’ is the only vaccine available till a real vaccine comes to
the rescue of the human race.  

 

THE FORTUNE-TELLER

Every human
being is ever anxious to know about his future. Chartered Accountants are still
considered as ‘human beings’, although they work like donkeys.

 

Man is all the
more worried about the future, especially when he has to make some crucial
decisions. Covid-19 has put the future of everyone in the dark.

 

In a small
town, a Sadhu Maharaj arrived one fine day. He stayed in a temple at a
little distance from the town. But soon the news spread that he has great
spiritual powers. People started flocking to the place where he had put up his
tent. It soon became very crowded as people from nearby places also started
coming in.

 

There was a
lot of talk among the people…

 

‘How does the sadhubaba look like? What does he wear?’

 

‘Does he talk
to everyone? Is there privacy while you are talking to him?’

 

‘How much does
he charge?’

 

‘Which
language does he speak?’

 

‘Is there any
separate queue for “special darshan”?’

 

Some sceptics
said they never believed in such sadhus. They said that fortune-tellers are
bogus people; and astrology is humbug. However, secretly almost everyone wanted
to visit him and meet him. His presence had mesmerised the people.

 

Suddenly, the
news came in that the sadhubaba actually does not talk with anyone. You have to simply go and enter
your name in a register. You have to utter a short question in your mind. Then
you get a token. You then go to another room where many chits are kept. You
have to pick up the chit bearing your token number. On that chit there is a
short message. It will be a boon or a curse depending upon your past karma. ‘Boons’ will be in blue letters and
‘curses’ in red.

 

A group of
friends went to the sadhu. CA Chandrakant was one of them. Many of them uttered a question in
their minds about their children’s future.

 

They then
picked up their chits in great anxiety and eagerness.

 

On reading
their respective chits, the faces of many glowed with happiness. Most of them
had got a ‘boon’.

 

Somebody’s son
would become a minister; someone else’s daughter would get married to a
millionaire. Some people’s children would get a US visa smoothly and quickly
although Mr. Trump was still there. A few were delighted to know that their
wives would leave them alone for a long time! Likewise, many of them got some
good message or other and they felt that the sadhu was like an angel.

 

But
Chandrakant’s face turned pale. His mood changed quickly. His friends asked,
‘What’s there in your chit?’

 

‘It says my
son will join the CA course.’

 

The friends
said, ‘Very good! Then why are you so sad? You should be happy! It’s a boon.’

 

‘No,’ said
Chandrakant, ‘the letters are in red.’

 

Grief must be shared to be
endured

— 
Kalidasa, AbhiGyaanShakuntalam

EXTINCT PROFESSION

This is an article that ‘appeared’ in the
daily ‘Futurology’ in the year 2050. The title of the article was
‘Extinct Profession’. It was to mark the Silver Jubilee of the death of a
dignified (?) profession. It is from a small island called ‘Overlaw’ in an
unknown ocean. The following are some excerpts from the said article:

 

There has always been a policy in the
business that the big players get some work done by small players by offering them a seemingly lucrative business volume. Small players get
excited, especially if they are new entrants in the business. Their costing is
fully monitored by the big players. After a couple of years of a smooth
relationship, the big start delaying the payments. The poor small ones don’t
mind it initially. The big ones place larger orders with some small advances.

 

Again, they withhold the payments. They
paint a rosy future before the small players. The poor fellows have no choice.

 

The small go to a banker and raise funds on
the ‘merit’ that they have orders from large corporates. The bankers oblige.
Their meters of interest and EMI start ticking. But the small ones cannot
function smoothly.

 

Gradually, the small players see the death
of their own businesses. The big ones are scratch-free. They have a hundred
reasons for not paying – from ‘quality defects’ to ‘belated deliveries’.

 

And then, the big find some new small ones!
The cycle continues forever… Government makes laws against such tactics but
there is a provision in fine print, in every beneficial law, that the lawmaker
is not responsible for its implementation.

 

Here is a story where an entire profession
in the country had to be closed down 25 years ago. Had the profession survived,
it would have celebrated its centenary year in the current year 2050.

 

The profession was basically rendering a
very specialised service to businessmen and many government / private
organisations. Under the law then prevailing, it was mandatory for many
organisations to avail their professional services.

 

The persons belonging to that profession
were under the impression that the profession was important and indispensable.
But the reality was that had it not been legally incumbent, nobody would have
willingly gone for their services. The payment to those professionals was
always considered as unproductive and was at the bottom of the list of priorities
with the users of their services. It was common that the fees of these
professionals were kept unpaid for up to three or even four years.

 

But all of a sudden, the ‘Governors’ of the
profession, with a laudable objective to protect the profession, declared that
if your fees are unpaid for two consecutive years by a client, you should
discontinue your services to that client.

 

The ‘Governors’ said it would be unethical
to render service to that client who owes you so much. There was a big hue and
cry against this decision. But the ‘Governors’ said the client cannot escape
because no other service provider can accept his work unless the previous
person’s fees are paid.

 

So, the
previous professional lost the work. He could not get any other work since all
the clients had avoided payments to their respective professionals. The
mandatory service could not be rendered by anybody to anybody!

 

All clients became defaulters under the laws
concerned. They became disqualified to run their business. So, the businesses
were closed.

 

The government
realised the gravity of the situation, so it brought an amnesty scheme. The
mandatory compliance was waived. Clients found it more economical to pay the
money under amnesty rather than paying fees to the professionals.


The ‘Governors’ of the profession kept on
introducing newer and newer rules and regulations thrust by other countries.
That was done under the garb of ‘Ethics’.

 

The professionals started spending more time
on learning and more money on books and study courses. Since most of the
clients’ work was discontinued, they had a lot of idle time.

 

This continued for a few years and in the
year 2025 the government realised that the mandatory compliance was not
required at all. The so-called specialised services rendered by the profession
became redundant. Everybody realised that it had made no difference whatsoever
to anyone even in the absence of those services.

 

One fine morning, the profession was
declared to be no longer relevant and all the laws were changed accordingly.

 

That was the end of the profession.

 

The students as well as the existing
professionals heaved a big sigh of relief that there was no longer any need to
study too many laws and regulations!

‘SWATCHH HELL’

Four
men and four women died together. They were taken before Lord Yama, who does
ultimate justice to every human being after death. Depending upon the good or
bad work done in their lives, he sends them either to heaven or to hell. All
eight of them were pretty sure that they would go to heaven since they had done
a lot of genuine social service in their lives.

 

He
called the first gentleman and asked him about his deeds on earth. He said, ‘Lord,
I dedicated my entire life to spread education among common people. I founded
many educational institutions and made available value-based education in a
selfless manner. I received many honours from people as well as from the
government. I never accepted any capitation fees for admission. Thousands of
students still express their sense of gratitude to me.’

 

Lord
Yama asked his office administration about their views in the matter. The
secretary in Yama’s office said one of the trusts of this gentleman had
submitted his tax return two days late. Otherwise, he said, whatever was said
by the gentleman was true.

 

Instantly,
Lord Yama shouted ‘Send him to hell!’ The poor gentleman tried to explain that
the delay was due to circumstances beyond his control as there was an accident
in the trust’s office. But nobody heard his pleas.

 

The
second gentleman and a woman were doctors by profession and had been running a
charitable hospital for poor and indigent patients. They did not do any private
practice but only provided genuine health services to tribal people and needy
patients.

 

The
administration reported to the Lord that their audit report was not filed on
time in one of the years. The law had been changed, but Lord Yama sent them
also to hell. There was no question of hearing their arguments and requests.

 

Likewise,
all the others who really worked selflessly to serve the poor, the handicapped
and mentally retarded people, supporting destitute women, serving those
suffering from terminal diseases, orphans, preserving the environment and so
on, who had done many socially needed and beneficial things, had failed to
submit some form or other in the prescribed time. Obviously, all of them were
sent to hell.

 

Lord
Yama’s secretary declared: ‘Doing genuine social work hardly matters to us. How
many lives you saved is not important. Rather, you interfered with the work of
Yamadoots (Yama’s servants). How many poor people or unfortunate children and
women you helped is none of our concern. Even if people suffer or die, it is of
no consequence to us. You should submit all forms in time. We will never
condone any delay.’

 

Then,
he was overheard sharing a secret, that Lord Yama really wanted some genuine,
good social workers in hell. But he felt that these eight persons were not
enough. To encourage more people to go to hell, he pressured the Minister to
introduce the procedure of re-registration for all the charitable trusts and
their renewal every five years.

 

It is
reported that many trustees have either died of heart attack or committed
suicide after hearing of this new procedure. And it is believed that they are
also taking their respective CAs along with them!

 

I’m
sure this will facilitate the process of ‘Swatchh Hell’!  

 

 


A CA’s HAPPINESS QUOTIENT!

I deplore the Hon’ble Minister of Finance for
snatching away from the Chartered Accountants’ community a particular moment of
happiness which they long for every year. What is that moment? I will come to
it in another moment.

 

A fox once woke up in a desert. He saw his
shadow which was very long. He thought to himself, ‘Oh! What a long shadow I
have! I must find a shelter for myself which will accommodate this long shadow
of mine!’

 

So he began to hunt for such a shelter in the
desert. He walked miles and miles but could not find a shelter befitting his
shadow. He was tired, sweating, hungry and thirsty. He was frustrated. Soon it
was high noon.

 

Tired and perspiring, he again looked at his
own shadow for which he was on this mission. When he saw it, he exclaimed to
himself, ‘Ah! What a fool I am! For such a small shadow I toiled for such a
long time unnecessarily’. So he found a small shelter and happily stayed there.

 

This is typical of a man who is very ambitious
in his youth. He wants to change the world. But later he realises that the
world is very ruthless and the going gets really tough. Then he derives
happiness even with the very little success which is much less than what he deserves,
and much within his ability.

 

When one passes one’s CA, one has a lot of
dreams. One feels that one will perform wonders in the financial world, or one
will perform one’s audit function very effectively and not tolerate nonsense in
accounts. One feels that one can win tax litigations purely on merits, on one’s
knowledge and presentation skills. But soon one realises that the means of
achieving success are totally different. If one does not want to compromise
with one’s conscience and ethics, one remains complacent with whatever little
one gets.

 

Thus, a common man’s happiness lies in getting
a good window seat in a local train!

 

But I was on the happy moment in a CA’s life
that occurs every year. Through the months of July to September, a CA is obsessed
with only one thought – Whether the due date of filing income tax returns will
be extended. He begs for it, dreams about it and prays for it. And once the
extension is announced by the Finance Minister, his joy is limitless.

 

But, alas! This year, in
the process of extending the Corona – Covid-19 lockdown period, the Government
(perhaps inadvertently, or maybe sensibly, for a change) on its own extended
the due date. It was a pleasant surprise that there were no representations, no
struggles, no appeals, no litigations and no writ petitions required for this.
It’s really a bounty!

 

So friends, relax during this lockdown period
and gather strength to beg for further extension of the tax filing date!

 

Good luck to all CAs.  

 

THE OTHER SIDE

Every issue has three sides. One yours, one mine and the third, the
true one.

 

A common man ordinarily has single-track thinking. He knows things
only partially and believes that he has understood everything.

 

He forms a view based on his perception and sticks to that view. He
refuses to even imagine that there could be another side to a coin. Thus, he
develops a set pattern of thinking.

 

This is very dangerous for a professional. A chartered accountant,
for example, is expected to have the maturity to visualise different
situations, something beyond what is apparent on the face of it – be it a
transaction or be it a document.

 

It should at least occur to his mind that the reality may be
radically different from what is visible. This is true not only in assurance
function, but also in every aspect of our profession.

 

Especially in litigation, this kind of maturity is a must. One
should always be prepared for a counter-argument. Even in warfare, they develop
a strategy by artificially creating an ‘enemy group’ – just to ensure that
their strategy or plan becomes fool-proof.

 

Similarly, before arguing a complicated case in a court of law, a
good counsel always plays the role of a ‘devil’s’ advocate so that the likely
arguments coming from the opposite side are anticipated and taken care of.

Sometimes, such situations arise in real life and one is left
non-plussed. Occasionally, they also create some terrific humour.

 

Pandit Ramandas was a renowned classical singer. He always attracted
a jam-packed audience to his mehfils (concerts). They used to listen to
him in pin-drop silence and remained spellbound once he started singing. Even
the slightest disturbance would upset the Panditji as well as the audience.

 

Once, a concert was arranged in a small town where the hall was
neither ‘posh’ nor ‘modern’. It was a mediocre venue. On the first floor, near
the balcony, there was a carpenter doing some repair work.

 

As usual the concert started a little late – as per Indian Standard
Time (or Indian stretchable time)! Panditji adjusted his instruments and the
mike system and started singing.

 

The audience was all ears, waiting in anticipation. He started with
‘saa….aaa’, in his melodious voice. Alas! Just then, the carpenter hit a
nail with his hammer!

 

Panditji paused for a while. As soon as he resumed, the hammer hit
home once again. Panditji looked up and stopped singing. The audience was
irritated and started cursing the carpenter.

 

But the carpenter shouted from the top, ‘Panditji, aap ka chalne
dijiye, mujhe koi taqlif nahi ho rahi hai’! (Panditji, you please continue.
It is not disturbing me!)  

 

CHALO KASHMIR

About eight to ten
days back I was on my morning walk when I saw a luxury bus standing near the
joggers’ park. To my surprise I saw a few CA friends in the bus      – Shah, Mehta,
Desai, Joshi, Kamat, Agarwal!

I wondered where all
of them were going together.

I asked: Are Ranchhodbhai, where are all of you going?

Shah: Kashmir!

I: Some seminar? Or RRC? But who has organised RRC in this tax and
audit season?

Shah: No RRC. No conference. Just on a visit.

I was even more
shocked. All CAs leaving in the month of August for a visit to Kashmir!?
Surely, they were crazy!

Q: You mean, there are all CAs in the bus?

A: No, only eight to ten of us.

Q: But what makes you visit Kashmir all of a sudden?

A: Now Article 370 is deleted.

Q: So what? How does it matter to us?

A: We are exploring business and professional opportunities there.

Q: (CAs becoming so proactive was another surprise to me!)

I said, but the
situation is not normal there. Terrorists are still active.

A: We are now not afraid of terrorists. We don’t mind fighting with
them!

I could not believe
what I was hearing! I checked up whether I was in a dream! A chartered
accountant – making such a bold and courageous statement? In my dictionary, the
antonym of CA was ‘a courageous person’.

Q: But why are you leaving the established things over here?

A: Kya settled hai?

Every year, New
Law! New Tax! New Regulation! New Accounting Standard! New Notice! New Penalty!
New Authority!

We felt the
terrorism by guns and bombs is much less disastrous than the tax and other
regulators’ terrorism over here!

Q: Oh! But life will be difficult there!

A: Idhar bhi kaunsa comfort hai? CA’s life is the most
miserable one! No one respects him. No one cares for him!

Q: Why? You have your own profession!

A: Own profession gaya paani mein! Kaun hamari sunata hai? We
have bosses everywhere and we are answerable to all. Ghar me biwi! In
office, our staff, our articles, clients – all are our bosses! You need to be
in their good books, always.

And in Government
Departments, the less said the better! As for the Government, you are only a
slave!

I saw considerable
truth in what they were saying. I wished I could join them; but as a typical CA
I lacked the courage to make up my mind!

I wished them good
luck, bid farewell to them and came back envying them.

 But just the day
before yesterday, I met Mr. Shah. He said they are now in a dilemma because the
first two buildings they saw there were the Income tax Office and the GST
office!

And the report was
that even the terrorists were afraid of attacking those two buildings!

 

(Tring! Tring!)

Mr. Phonewala was a very busy Chartered
Accountant practising over three decades; always running around income tax
offices, sales tax and service tax offices, audit clients, and many other
places. He could hardly sit peacefully in his office. Even while in office,
there was constant disturbance of phone calls, visitors, compliance deadlines
and so on.

 

He had come up
in life the hard way. He slogged and struggled a lot to establish his practice.
He sacrificed his family life and the many other pleasures of life; and was
dedicated to the profession round the clock. One secret of his success was his
soft-spokenness, public relations and goodwill. He never learnt to say ‘No’ to
anyone. Another quality (?) of his was that he was ‘always available’!
Naturally, everyone took him for granted. He did join some courses of time-management,
leadership training, delegation, etc.; but he remained the original ‘Phonewala’
only.

 

Once he was
sitting in his office. A client came with an appointment at 2:30 pm. Mr.
Phonewala entered his office, back from the income tax department at 3 o’clock,
sweating and talking on his cell-phone. He just gave a smile to the client who
was waiting patiently and entered his cabin. After finishing the phone-call, he
called the client inside. Mr. Phonewala had had no time to have his lunch so he
ordered sandwiches. By that time some staff and articles entered his cabin with
many questions and queries of many clients. The receptionist entered and gave
him a list of messages. The client was sitting patiently as he had been
associated with him for 25 years! The client shared the sandwich and had a cup
of tea, watching Mr. Phonewala’s hectic activity – firefighting on many fronts.
At 3:45 pm he could utter his first sentence – “You see, Mr. Phonewala, I
have a property at Lonavala………” and there was a ring! Mr. Phonewala took
the call. There were so many interruptions –

  •    Calls on landline and mobile
    were simultaneously received – every five minutes.
  •    There were a couple of
    intruders dropping in for ‘five minutes’ but consuming 20 minutes.
  •    Phone-calls were from
    clients, tax departments, staff, friends, bank loan offers, booksellers, credit
    card offers; and also from his residence for the evening programme. He gave
    detailed advice to many persons on the phone.

 

In turn, Mr. Phonewala also called back many
persons who had called in his absence.

 

After a gap of every 20 to 25 minutes, the
client sitting in front attempted to speak. But he never went beyond the first
sentence, “I have a property at Lonavala ………”, and Mr. Phonewala sweetly
apologised for every interruption.

 

Finally, at 5:30 pm, his secretary entered
and said she wanted to leave early. Mr. Phonewala suddenly remembered some
urgent matter for which he wanted to dictate a letter. He requested the client
very politely to bear with him for about 30 minutes!

 

The client coolly said, “No problem I
will just have a stroll around and come. You finish off your work”.
And he went away. After just two minutes, Mr. Phonewala received a call on
landline. The secretary sitting in front of him took it and said, “Mr.
Phonewala is not there in office”.

 

The caller said, “Madam, I am the same
person who was sitting in your office since 2:30. Just give it to Mr.
Phonewala”. Mr. Phonewala had no option! He took it and the client said,
“Sir, I observed that you always give priority to phone-callers; rather than to
the person sitting before you. So I tried this trick! You see, Sir, I have a
property at Lonavala …………….”!  

 

 

DEMOCRACY

In Maansarovar,
“hauns” (swan) and “haunsini” (she swan) were staying happily.
Once upon a time, a flock of crows came flying over there. The leader of the
crows greeted the hauns and asked him as to “who he was and why he was
staying over there?” Hauns replied, “this is Maansarovar and it
belongs to the swans. So we are staying here for many generations”. Oh! said
the crow.” So the dispute is not on two issues but only on one point.”

 

Hauns was surprised. “Where is the dispute here?”. he asked.

 

Crow –
“Actually we came from a far off place and we were not sure whether this is Maansarovar
or something else. Since you said it is Maansarovar, we agree. The
second question was whether it belongs to Swans. We also accept that it belongs
to swans as you say”.

 

Hauns (terribly puzzled) – “Then where is the question of any dispute?” The
leader of the crow coolly said, “the question is who is the swan?” “We believe
in democracy”, he continued, “naturally, we will decide as to who is the
swan by majority votes”.

 

Hauns immediately agreed, “Satyameva Jayate”, he exclaimed. Haunsini
tried to resist but hauns pacified her.

 

Voting took
place. Crows became swans. Swan with his wife had to vacate the place. They
went away cursing their fate. Suddenly, they came across the Eagle. “Oh dear hauns,
what a pleasant surprise. What brings you here? All well at Mansarovar?”

 

Hauns – “No, actually there was a little problem.” Hauns narrated the
story of crows.

 

Eagle – “Arey,
are you a fool? Tomorrow these crows will come to me and claim that they are
eagles. I will tell them point blank. I will decide who is the eagle, by my
power”.

Hauns – “Yes, I see a point in what you say. I will immediately rush to
Maansarovar and tell the crows as you have guided”.

 

Hauns and haunsini came back. Hauns challenged the leader of the
crows, “Hey, listen, your majority voting is not acceptable to me. We will
decide as to who is the swan by our power of wings and beaks”.

 

 “I am a peace-loving person”, the crow
retorted, “Still if you wish to taste our power, we are ready”.

 

A squirrel
from the tree close-by was watching that the hauns was talking to the crows.
She came out and asked the hauns what was the matter. She asked why he came
back. Hauns told her about his conversation with the eagle.

 

Squirrel – “Arey
brother hauns, this showing of strength is alright for the eagle to say. With
what are you going to fight?, your delicate wings or beautiful beak? It will be
suicidal”.

 

Hauns – “I know, but I must fight for the truth. Ultimately, truth shall
succeed”.

 

The show of
power took place. Hauns was killed, haunsini was killed and since
the squirrel was advising them, she was also killed. Crows were triumphant.

 

The moral of
the story – “Hauns died since he did not realise the truth and squirrel
died since she knew the truth”.

 

Note – This article is
adapted from a story written by a well-known marathi author Late Mr. G.A.
Kulkarni. I acknowledge this with thanks to him. It has been written in the
context of many elections that we are going to experience within next few
months. The real moral is – if the swans really hope to succeed, they must
acquire real power including physical strength and remain united. This is true
in all walks of life. Otherwise the mediocre people will take the front seat.

‘Real Beauty’

A few years ago, I read a news item
that the sense of beauty in Indian men’s perception is not mature enough! It
was in the context of the ‘vital statistics’ of a woman’s figure, her complexion
and other criteria.

 

I wondered as to who are the
Americans or Europeans to dictate the standards of beauty. After all, the
beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder –as rightly said by an Urdu ‘Shayar’
–

 

“Kubsoorti dekhnewale ke dilme hoti
hai”

           

There is a story of Jesus Christ.
His mother went to his school a little before the school recess. She was in a
hurry; so she handed over the tiffin to another lady waiting to give tiffin to
her child. Jesus’s mother requested her to hand over the tiffin box to Jesus.
The lady said she did not know Jesus. The mother said when the children would
come out, the most beautiful child would be Jesus. The lady agreed.

 

Obviously, the lady handed over the
tiffin to her own son!

 

This is a universal truth. ‘Beauty’
– like many other qualities is a relative and subjective term. It varies from
viewer to viewer.

 

Once upon a time, there was a great
quarrel between Shree Laxmidevi – Lord Vishnu’s wife – Goddess of
riches and Shree Shanidev (God of planet Saturn who is known to trouble
the people for a period of seven and a half years – called sade sati).
The dispute was as to who between them looks more beautiful.

 

About the beauty of Goddess
Laxmi, all of us know well. But Saturn as a planet also looks very nice –
with the three illuminating rings around him. The dispute was not getting
resolved. Fortunately, there was no judicial system like it is of today.
Otherwise, the litigation could have continued for thousands of years; and
perhaps even Laxmiji would not have afforded the lawyers’ fees!

When they were arguing between
themselves at the top of their voice, Shree Naradmuni was passing by. He
heard it, saw them and tried to escape from there. He smelt that he was in
trouble!

 

Laxmiji and Shaniji
saw Naradji and called him close. They referred the dispute to his sole
Arbitration. He was not like present arbitrators and being a Sanyasi,
had no greed for money! At the same time, he wanted to avoid the embarrassing
‘assignment’ since he could not afford the frown of either! But despite his
request, and the pretext of ‘hurry,’ they would not let him go.

 

After all, Narad
was the son of Lord Brahma – and had extraordinary intelligence. He
thought of an idea. He asked both of them to walk upto a distant tree and come
back. They were wild. They said – “Naradji, we are asking you to decide who
between us is more beautiful and you are asking us to walk to the tree?”. But
they had no choice as the arbitrator had certain powers!

 

They walked reluctantly and
returned.

 

“No, No, No, No, No, No!” said Naradji;
“I didn’t see properly. You should not have anger on your faces. It mars the
beauty! Please do it again”. Poor Laxmiji and Shaniji were
furious in their minds; but could not express their displeasure before him.
They performed the ‘walking’ act again.

 

Naradji smiled and said
“yes, yes! Now I realised. While walking away from here, Shanidev looked
more beautiful and while coming back from the tree, Laxmiji was more
beautiful!

 

So friends, beauty lies in your
perception; your mood and your expectations!

 

Can
the same thing be said about ‘GST’?