By Raman Jokhakar, Tarunkumar Singhal, Chartered Accountants
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40. Giving and accepting compliments
In this insecure world that we live in, people often feel
awkward receiving compliments, viewing them as unearned praise and start
questioning their motive, running the risk of appearing defensive or
unintentionally rude by not responding graciously.
The following steps will help you give and take compliments
easily :
Listen :
Focus on the person giving the compliment, allowing him/her
time to complete their sentence. Silence your inner critic, which may question
the motive or genuineness; instead, accept the compliment at its face value.
Positive body language :
Don’t frown, shrink or look away when accepting compliments.
Instead smile and maintain a direct gaze, even if you don’t believe the
sincerity.
Accept, not reject :
A simple ‘thank you’ is the only reply expected and no
lengthy explanations. When paying a compliment, one frequently encounters such
avoidable comments in return.
Objecting :
“Oh no, I look like a mess . . . !”
Minimising :
“Oh, it was no big deal . . . “
Arguing :
“No, I spotted several weak points in my
presentation . . . !”
Acting cocky :
“Thanks ! I paid an arm and a leg, it better be nice . . . “
Changing the topic :
“So, how is business ?”
At a complete loss for words
Give, not just take :
Giving compliments improves our relationships greatly, as
they force us to focus on the positive attributes of another person. While most
people are good at complimenting their bosses and clients, try doing the same
with your staff and peers and see them enjoy that extra dash of unexpected
praise.
Culture :
Culture has a role to play in giving and accepting
compliments. Eastern cultures use an indirect mode of giving compliments and
excessive compliments make them suspect an ulterior motive. Japanese tend to
downplay giving and accepting compliments about themselves, preferring to
compliment achievements. Chinese feel they are showing humility by rejecting
compliments. On the other hand, Americans are a direct compliments-driven
culture, showering compliments on personal appearances. At times, the American
exuberance appears insincere to other cultures. Although Indians are not
comfortable complimenting on a person’s appearance, especially between genders,
socially, we are expected to compliment the hostess/lady of the house.
Lastly, while women give more compliments, men tend to take
them more seriously.
(Source : Shital Kakkar Mehra
— The Economic Times, dated 19-12-2008)
