Expectations

1.2 As expectations are rarely met we feel life is muddy and messy, resulting in conflict, confusion, stress and anger. Let us realise that suffering is the result of having expectations of how things should be. Expectations make life imperfect and unhappy though happiness is what we seek in expectations. Stephen Hawking has rightly said `when one’s expectations are reduced to zero, one appreciates everything. The issue, is : Is this possible !

2. The danger of living upto other people’s expectations is: one puts on a mask and conceals the real person – result – our lives become artificial. In such an environment one develops a strong ego which results in or is the beginning of what one may say : `is the end of happiness’.

3.1 Expectations make us slaves of our emotions. We react instead of responding – result – impacting relationship and at times even destroying relationship. The outstanding example is the increase in divorce cases. Have we ever reflected as to why some ‘love marriages’ fail and result in divorce despite the fact that the two human beings have known each other and have chosen each other. This is because of expectations – expectation of utopia – which doesn’t exist in any relationship. As opposed to this in an arranged marriage there are virtually no expectations as persons involved virtually don’t know each other. They enter into a relationship with a few expectations and desire to make the marriage work. Let me clarify that there are divorces even in arranged marriages and the same are increasing because of the current environment of expectations, individuality and intolerance. We little realise that relationship is based on appreciating each others strengths and accepting faults for no human is without faults.

3.2 Expectations are normally based on emotions – let expectations be devoid of emotions. The issue is: is this possible! The answer is yes for if no emotions are involved there would be no disappointment –result is: if expectations are not met our relationships will not be impacted. The irony of life is we expect from those whom we love little realising that love is based on giving and not receiving. Love is unconditional.

3.3 Swami Sukhabodhanand referring to emotions advises: `One should be emotionally fit, and that emotion should be directed by intellect. Intellect without emotion and emotion without intellect, both are incomplete’.

4. Our beliefs and behaviour reflect our expectations – for example – in India parents expect to be looked after by children whereas in the West the expectations from children are much less. India is also changing and we now have an increasing number of old age homes.

5. Expectations from oneself should be based on awareness of one’s limitations. Awareness of limitations is not failure but makes life happy. This awareness also gives one confidence.

6.1 The issue is : How does one manage ‘expectations’. The answer is simple but difficult to practice. It is ‘being realistic’. Being realistic with oneself and others: Practice of this will lead to ‘happiness’.

6.2 It is rightly said: Let go of expectations. The issue is: what do you do when expectations are not met because this leads to frustration and disappointment. The fact is that expectations are nothing else but a dream we dreamt but dreams rarely come true. We need to realise that we can never live life without expectations. The answer is: Analyse whether expectation was realistic as there is always a gap between dream and reality – accept what one gets and move on.

6.3 Another way to manage expectations, is : to understand the difference between `giving’ and ‘sharing’ because in ‘giving’ one expects whereas whilst ‘sharing’ one enjoys. So let us ‘share’.

6.4 Whilst dealing with expectations from oneself – we need to use expectations as a tool of motivation to achieve our goals and nothing more.

6.5 I would conclude by quoting Eli Khamarov :