FESTIVAL OF FRIENDSHIP & FORGIVENESS

Like ‘friendship day’, the Jains observe “friendship with all” festival on Samvatsari, i.e. the final day of paryusan. This day is the finale of eight days of intensive spiritual activities such as fasting or self-restraint on eating, samayika puja, listening to spiritual discourses, pratikarmana (regretting the wrong doings), reading of religious books, etc. In general, parusyana is the unique eight-day Jaina festival of fasting when every Jain – young or old, man or woman – all and sundries would endeavour to live a simple, sacred and sin-free life. On the final day, it is essential to FORGIVE everybody, particularly those people with whom one had direct dealing, relation and connection and ask for their pardon. This practice of ‘forget and forgive’ should be done sincerely, honestly and from the bottom of the heart.

There is an old Chinese saying :

“the enemy is best defeated who is defeated with kindness.”

Maitri bhavana reaches one:

• To make and/or retain friends, express regret as soon as possible regardless of whether you are right or wrong,
• Visualise a person as your dear friend even though he considers you as his enemy,
• Sincerely wish to heal the breach between him and you with powerful bhavana of friendliness.

The importance of the Bhavana of Friendliness: The most important sutra in Jain spiritual practice is:

Mitti me savva bhuesu, veram majjha na kenai”

“I forgive all souls and request them all to forgive me. All the souls are my friends; none is my enemy. I do not have a feeling of enmity towards anybody”.

Forgiveness:

“A sadhaka has to first increase the tranquility of the mind by forgiving, and begging forgiveness of, the entire world of beings.”

Constant reflection of this bhavana cleanses the heart of destructive negative thoughts such as revenge, retaliation, enmity, intolerance, etc. It makes one’s heart extremely light as he considers everybody around him as his friends. This bhavana softens the heart and nourishes the capacity of forgiveness and forbearance. This thought prepares one for higher sadhana towards one’s goal of eventual transcendental emancipation. The mantra of ‘forget and forgive’ creates goodwill and amity. It increases one’s power of tolerance and patience and makes a person gentle. It will also create an atmosphere that encourages the concepts of ‘unity of mankind’ and ‘peaceful co-existence’, ‘mutual co-operation’ and ‘interdependence’. It makes life thoroughly enjoyable.

We need to constantly remember:

• Forgiveness means transcending our judgement and hatred
• To stop blaming others for our shortcomings
• Forgiveness is 100% and unconditional
• To forgive ourselves
• Absence of forgiveness tantamounts to being imprisoned and an unawakened life
• Forgiveness is the ultimate test for a person who is willing and able to live an enlightened life.
• To forgive, we must transcend our bodies and learn to be detached.

Jainism firmly believes that one’s own soul is responsible for everything that is happening in its life. It has to suffer or enjoy the fruits of its own past deeds. Once this philosophy is accepted, one will never sit in judgement and blame others and will desist from the thought of revenge or retaliation.

“The non-violent approach does not immediately change the heart of the oppressor. It first does something to the hearts and souls of those committed to it. It gives them a new self-respect, it gives strength and courage that they did not know they had. Finally, it reaches the opponent and so stirs his conscience that reconciliation becomes a reality” [Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)].

Every hurt or sting is like being bitten by a snake. One rarely dies from a snake bite, but once bitten, it is impossible to be unbitten, and the damage is done by the venom that continues to flow through our system. The venom is: ‘bitterness and hatred’ that we hang on to, long after the snake bite – hurt. It is this venom that destroys our peace of mind. The simple act of forgiveness saves us from anger and hatred and grants us freedom. Forgiveness buys peace of mind.

I believe Forgiveness is joyful, easy and above all freeing. It relieves us of the burdens of resentment, forget past grievances and is another mode of practicing detachment which means: ‘let go’.

So let us purge our prejudices, feelings of resentment, revenge, enmity, retaliation, anger and above all malice towards others. In other words, practice forgiveness and make. ALL ARE MY FRIENDS; I HAVE NO ENEMIES – the anchor of our life.